Monday, May 30, 2005

Is it me or am I the only one that's frightened when he sees the Burger King. He's scary. Posted by Hello

Doh! Poop!

Hello Undies:

The investigation team here at Underachiever's Corner is always searching on ways to help the community. This one is sure to help millions. Please read HOW TO POOP AT WORK via the world according to mike.

No need to thank me, I'm just a public servant.



I know a Secret, I know a secret

Just wanted to see what you, the "undies", thought about this blog. I find it both fascinating and disturbing. Send them yours, but if you want to save a stamp, send me your secret(s). It doesn't have to be dark or gory. Just tell me one that you just want to get off your chest.

Okay, Okay, I will tell you one of mine to get you started:

I have trouble using the bathroom in front of people. I think this condition is called pee-shy.(I guess that's why I haven't lived a life of crime. To avoid going to jail and use the bathroom in front of everybody.)

Tell me your secrets. Its like a confessional, but without the guilt.



Saturday, May 28, 2005

Fo Shizzle.

Leave it up to the staff at underachievers Corner to let a trend come, go and be regurgitated and leave again until they finally catch up to it. Yes the Snoop Dog language. Fo Shizzle. Unfortunately, most of your senior citizens, soccer moms and other deprived individuals can never be up to speed on these sudden changes in Language, Vernacular if you will. Therefore, being on the cutting edge, as we always are, we have developed a new language. We will teach these unfortunate ones and they will be ready when this trend begins.

Of course, Underachiever's corner will live up to its name and pretty much take an idea someone else had and use it to their advantage.(Yes, that's right Kids, just like Bill Gates)

Remember, when your grandparent, grand guardian or the old person you harassed used to say YOU WISENHEIMER! Well, we will take normal words and ad "Enheimer" to them.

For example: "Do you like my Car enheimer? "(an appropriate response would be: It's "sweetenheimer". Do you get it yet?

Lets try a reenactment:

guy: What upenheimer?

other guy: Nothinheimer

On more time:

gal: Hey, where you goinheimer?

dude: to the Oppenheimerenheimer(okay that's not gonna work)

Yes! Yes! I can feel the school teachers cringing at another language fad. MUha-ha-ha

So kids, seniors, and all start talking like this and be the first on your block to use Underachiever's New talkenheimer.

Its da bombenheimer!



p.s. I didn't say I'd do all the work. Send me your words to add to the Wisenheimer Vernacular Dictionary.(soon to be available on for $350.00, Cash Only, no receipts.) Or Just comment some new dumb words.

thank you


Friday, May 27, 2005

Hey, what gives?

Okay, so call me dumb but I thought that Benny Hinn and Benihanna were the same thing. Apparently not. One is a religious dude and the other a steak house. Imagine how embarrassed I was to walk into the Restaurant(which was actually a church) and then find out the Conga line was a line to go to the stage. At which point, I ordered a medium well New York Strip and Benny smacked me in the head. Huh. Needless to say I got no steak, but on the bright side I don't limp anymore.

Disclaimer: for those of you wondering where this came from, I don't know. The truth is I thought Benny Hinn was that fat British guy who had that show with the scantily dressed women. (Yeah, Yeah, Benny Hill, I know, I know.)



Thursday, May 26, 2005

Reading this may save you and others.

Today, I want to talk about a serious dilemma that men and possibly women face day to day. This problem is called in the medical field B.E.U. Yes, Broken Elastic Underwear. This is a common condition that normally occurs right before you have to do your laundry. And so you wear your underwear at half mast. Exposing your gluteus maximus (thank you spell check).

I had this problem today. Most of the day I worked and ran errands with the elastic barely covering my crack(I'm sorry) and this was uncomfortable. All day I had the face of bewilderment and discomfort.

But, then I found a solution. Tracing back to my childhood, I recalled a treatment for this ailment: The WEDGIE. Yes, I would self inflict a wedgie! This way my underwear would at least stay up. And so It did. If you do it right, the wedgie may last you between 4-6 Hours.

So try the next generation of treatment against B.E.U. ....The Wedgie

Side effects include: Chafing, Elastic showing outside pants, and childhood traumatic flashbacks and dirty underwear(ewwwww!).



P.S. Is it me or does Lindsay Lohan have that "Gandhi Hunger Strike" look? via

Monday, May 23, 2005

Celebs you would like to stalk(in a good way of course)

If you had the choice of stalking a star, who would it be? Can you think of 5. The reporters at Underachievers Corner are interested in knowing who your top 5 most stalkable stars* are.

My top 5 as of today are:

5. Catherine Zeta Jones

4. Rachel Ray (she's pretty and she can cook) Shut up feminists! I'm just saying.

3. Angelina Jolie (she's, like, in every top five list so she's on this one)

2. Adriana Lima (Victoria's Secret Model) Sorry, I'm so superficial for a Hobbit looking, ruffle tuxedo wearing, idiot.

and my number one stalkable celeb..........drum rolls please....start the restraining order process........

1. Paz Vega (from Spanglish) I'm so in love.

Honorable mentions: Scarlett Johansson, Kermit the Frog, "Can you hear me now" guy from cell phone commercials and Jared from Subway.

* Stalking is a crime, so please don't get caught.

Speaking of Vicky's Secrets here is a top 10 list: Credit Mrknowitall

Top Ten Things Men SHOULDN'T Say Out Loud In Victoria's Secret:
#10 Does this come in children's sizes?

#9 No Thanks. Just Sniffing..

#8 I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

#7 Mom will love this.

#6 Oh, the size won't matter. She's inflatable.

#5 No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.

#4 Will you model this for me???

#3 The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!!

#2 45 bucks?? You're just gonna end up NAKED anyway!!

And the Number One thing that a man should never, ever say out loud in Victoria's Secret:

#1 Oh, honey, you'll never squeeze your fat ass into that.



Sunday, May 22, 2005

80's movie quiz

Take this quiz if i can get this link to work.....

80's movies quiz

Let me know which movie you were. When I was truthful, I was Better Of Dead and when I lied I was Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure....go figure.


Fruity hoops suck

As a consumer of many parts of a balanced breakfast, I have this observation: I was in my friendly neighborhood supermarket and made a recent discovery. If you purchase a name brand cereal like, Fruit Loops, Frosted Flakes or Lucky Charms, you may get a prize. The prize consists of some kind of decoder ring or car etc. Prizes that are actually fun. The back of the box you can have all sorts of fun with mazes and other games.
Whereas on the generic brands of cereal ie: Fruity Hoops, Flakes of Frosted Corn and Charmy Luckers the prizes you get are educational. In one of them you can get laminated Multiplication Table a Ruler or a Protractor. On the back of said boxes you can learn vocabulary words and their Latin origins. What the hell? Who wants to learn at breakfast. Give me my sugarfrosted, diabetes-inducing, carb filled bowl of joy and compliment that with a toy that will only stunt my mental growth. That is what breakfast is all about.

In conclusion, Long live Toucan Sam not the Generic Fruity hoops Monkey.



Sunday, May 15, 2005

Yeah, Yeah we're all gonna watch it.  Posted by Hello

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

yeah, the beginning of a new week is upon us, like a rash in an unreachable place on our body.

This past week was pretty uneventful. But enough about me.

This week is the big Star Wars flick and I will probably watch it next to the guy dressed as Princess Leia. (If Princess Leia had a mustache) So lets take a moment and reflect on how this week we will make Mr. George Lucas just a little bit richer.



Friday, May 13, 2005

Cleaning Sucks

What is it about cleaning?
I really don't see why anyone would be obsessive compulsive about this. Grant you, I like to live in clean surroundings but the actual process is, well, Sucky. I know most of you feminist might think I'm going the chauvinist route, but I don't care if a man, woman or he-she cleans for me, Just as long as someone else does it. I know, most of you politically correct folks think I'm going the stereotype route. But it doesn't matter, if a Hispanic, white or anglosaxon Martian redneck does it, as long as it gets done. Therefore, I declare the next ten minutes after you read this as a non-cleaning ten minute holiday. So enjoy the next ten minutes and don't make a mess.

Dwell on this:
the only good thing about cleaning is:

You produce some awesome black boogers.



Friday, May 06, 2005 Posted by Hello

Wouldn't this have traumatized you as a kid. Whats next Barney attacks New York?



Monday, May 02, 2005

Dude, where's my wife?

Okay, the key to a long and wonderful marriage: Love, honesty and a made up kidnapping.

John Mason( Jennifer Wilbanks fiance) You, my friend, get my first annual: Idiot of the year Award.

This guy is asking for it. I mean, sure, she has pretty much used up the biggest excuse in the book , but Dang! could you just call him or maybe a "Dear John" letter.

He said:"She just needs some space and some time," I'll say. Hmmm. How's about some space and time in Jail.

Can you imagine this scene: (While looking at their photo album)

Aww. this is how we met

This is when we got engaged

This is when I told the world I got kidnapped

This is when I told the world I got cold feet

This is my first marriage to Large Marge in Prison


This is when I got this Idiot to marry me


Any ways Mr. Mason: Just wanted to wish you a happy marriage, many happy infidelities from your wife, and many happy made up stories you will believe.

By the way want to buy the Brooklyn Bridge? It's a fixer upper.



P.S. Large Marge, you can do better.

From the "That sucks!" file

Heart patient dies day after bike trek May 02, 2005(AP)
A man who pedaled across the country after heart bypass surgery gave him a second chance at life has died of a heart attack—one day after completing the 3,800-km trip. Broc Bebout, a 57-year-old retired engineer, died Thursday on the van drive back to his home in Anderson—one day after completing the ride from Carlsbad, Calif. to Brunswick, Ga. His wife, Patricia Brinkman, said bicycling became Bebout’s ticket to nearly 20 years of good health after quadruple-bypass surgery at age 39. He also learned to eat right and take care of himself, she added. In an e-mail to her Wednesday before a celebratory steak dinner, Bebout described what the trip had meant to him: “An incredible experience with incredible people.” “It was a trip of a lifetime,” she said. “We all have a list of things we like to say we did. That was right up there at the top.”

I actually read this as I was eating a Big Mac. That sucks!




Things to do before I die: I was going to ride my bike for 3,800 km but

If you care to let me know the five things you would do before your demise.

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