Wednesday, June 15, 2005

My 100

I thought about something the other day. I told myself, self, why don't you do something original. I said to meself, I says, write down a hundred things about yourself. Great idea. I just hope noboby else does it.

Anyhoooooooooo. Here are my hundred.

Undrs 100 things you may or may not want to know about me.

1 I love plain white rice
2 The last two times I cried, I was in the shower
3 I have a way of retaining useless information
4 I love poetry, but I wish I knew how to write.
5 I wish I were rich but not materialistic
6 If I were rich, I would be materialistic
7 I tried to get drunk once, I was sick for two days
8 I hate beer, but I drink it anyway
9 I don’t mind girly drinks, no umbrellas though
10 I can’t memorize poems
11 I shower at least twice a day, sometimes more when I’m stressed
12 I am not what you would consider a Handy man. But I know how to hammer screws.
13 I used to get a lot of crushes on girls. And they were always out of my league. (Since First Grade)
14 I like older woman, don’t mind young ones
15 Law and Order, C.S.I, Without a trace, I love these shows
16 Deathly afraid of Wasps, Bees, and Hornets. Mosquitoes? No I can take mosquitoes.
17 I do not know how to flirt. I always come off as creepy. (How are you little girl? Ugh! It gives me the creeps
18 I love Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle
19 The Simpsons are awesome
20 Bummed about “Arrested Development” (the show not the rap group)
21 I watched “Super Size Me” and all I could think about was eating at McDonalds.
22 Baseball is my favorite sport. (I used to play in a league, but those girls got too tough. Hee-hee )
23 I don’t have any tattoos because I think they would hurt like a mother.
24 In New York, when I was about 10, I stole a pair Handcuffs from a street vendor. I got as far as my apartment building when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the vendor asking me for money. I got so scared; I thought I would go blind (literally) No one know about this.
25 As a kid, I couldn’t pretend to be Superman, because I had lost my two front baby teeth and I wore glasses. (You see, Superman has all his teeth, and doesn’t wear glasses. I was not right for the role.)
26 Ditto on pretending to be Tarzan
27 I wish I could play guitar. Promised myself I would learn by the time I was 30. I got an extension now its 35.
28 I have secrets to take to my grave. (If I told you I couldn’t take them to my grave, now could I?
29 No broken bones, yet.
30 Afraid of heights, not of flying
31 Hate last 30 minutes of any flight.
32 Born on Bill Cosby’s birthday
33 I love it when people say supposebly, fusstrated, and probally.
34 I hate it when people say per se.
35 Like now, per se.
36 First thing I notice about a woman are her eyes. (To make sure she doesn’t see me looking at her boobs---just kidding)
37 Second thing I notice is her laughter.
38 People have bad hair days; I have a bad hair life.
39 I’ve lived in New York (bad neighborhoods), Orlando (suburbs) Georgia, (country)
40 Love to sing. Do it all the time. Do it alone. But then criticize myself because I can’t sing.
41 On Bewitched, the show, I prefer the first Darren.
42 I love candy, as a food group.
43 Specifically, tootsie rolls minis (skinny ones not the fat ones: Midgees) Now and Laters, and personal favorite the Sugar Daddy.
44 I would love to be a radio Deejay.
45 As a kid, I wanted to be a journalist.
46 I remember all the girls I’ve liked since I was in first grade.
47 I have never smoked weed, but I have inhaled it seconhandedly.
48 I think General Tso’s chicken is delicious. I salute you, General!
49 I stay at my job,although I hate it because my boss is my friend.
50 I’ve never actually been to a club. I’m afraid they’ll never let me in, like in the movies.

Lets pause for this commercial break.

Ever get that itchy feeling in the rear? Well, No fear, Undr’s African Booty Scratcher is here. Yes this patented wooden stick is great for those times where your nails aren’t enough. Its little leather loop is excellent for storage. Easy to clean, just let soak in Clorox for about two weeks between uses. Always use with your clothes on because that is just gross.
So order now, or pick one up at any hardware store. The African Booty Scratcher, try one today.

Disclaimer, may cause bleeding and infection. And for the love of mike stop flinging it around you’ll poke you eye out.

Now back to our list.

To be continued…

Ooooh! I’m such a tease



At 11:56 AM, June 15, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

No.48- Quite possibility the best chicken ever! P.S. where can I order one of those scratchers?

At 12:02 PM, June 15, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

I supposebly should order one African booty scratcher. I am gettin fusstrated with all this itching and scratching. The price probally is $19.95 like every other useless thing you just have to have.
Love, Linda
Quit being a tease and do your other 50 please. My attempt at poetry :)

At 2:20 PM, June 15, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

I suddenly have a craving for a super size big mac meal and a sugar daddy for desert. What happens on the last 30 minutes of a flight??
Never mind do not tell me I may never step foot on a plane. Linda :)

At 3:36 PM, June 15, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

African Booty Scratcher available in all States except where Prohibited. MS, FL, and all the other states in the union. Puerto Rico ok.

The last 30 mins is not so bad, its just the anticipation of getting off that tuna can, makes those last 30 mins a nightmare for me. I'm sure you'd love it.


At 5:43 PM, June 27, 2005, Blogger Carissa said...

I don't know why I didn't comment on this before, but I guess it's never too late.

#1,3,21 - I'm with you on those.

#25 & 26 are great.

#40,56,80 - Again, I'm with you.

#85 - If, by default, that's your favorite country song, you should probably listen to a little more country radio.

#86,88,97,99 - Oh look! A little more we have in common!

#100 - I love infomercials. Especially the Ronco ones. He's the best.



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