Saturday, July 02, 2005

Another 100 list. Oh the humanity!!!!!

I know this is narcissistic of me.

Dear Undies:

Another 100 things you may or may not want to know about me. Pay attention, there will be test.

1. I love sour patch kids.
2 I love Big Bol gum. I can’t find them anywhere. They used to be a penny. I would buy a hundred of them.











3. The day I graduated from kindergarten, I did two amazing things (at least to me): I crossed the street by myself.
4. And bought orange juice from a grocery store on the other side of the street. (its been down hill from there)
5. I don’t like to wear jewelry
6. Can’t grow a beard.
7. I shave an annoying patch of hair on my chin. It would probably take 3 years to grow a goatee 8 The quality that I am most proud of is my humility.
9 As a kid, I could not color within the lines. Still can’t.
10 Favorite Irish word: Shalalee.(well, I think its Irish, the policemen in old cartoons would saI'm Im gonna hit ya wit my shalalee (police club)
11. Favorite Hebrew word: Schmuck
12 Favorite French word: Fenetre.(window)
13. I tan nicely.
14 At this point my fore arms and face have an awesome tan. The rest of body looks like those frogs that are transparent and you can see their vital organs. Hey, theres my spleen.
15 I don't know what my spleen is good for. Sorry, Mrs. Dixon.(my high school Anatomy Teacher.)
16 If I had a baby girl, I would name her Gwyneth.
17 If I had a baby boy, I would name him Andrew
18 Man Crush at the moment: Lance Armstrong. I just admire him. Don't get any ideas
19 I may not be gay, because I'm too lazy. Highlighting hair, being neat and dressing nice is too much work. Who has the time?
20 I hate stereotypes.
21 No one ever gave me one of those Giant Cookies.
22 Thank god, can you imagine what one those things does to your colon?
23 Ever since I can remember, women have always found me non-threatening. Always the girls' best friend. Hence, you will notice, the comments I get on this blog are mainly from women.
24 One girl actually said this to me:"I wish my boyfriend was like you but not you ” Therapy is in my future I know it.
25 From now on I will be more threatening. GRRRRR! Look at my threatening face. I'm so aloof and non caring....I ...
26 Who am I kidding? Im adorable. I can't stay mad at you.
27 When I was self-employed, I heard a voice in my head that said "Kill your boss”
28 Just kidding, I’ve never been self-employed.
29 No body piercings.
30 Well, I once stapled my finger. Does that count?
31 In restaurants, when I cannot decide what I want, I wait until the server asks me what I want and then I order by the seat of my pants. I work well under pressure.
32 on the other hand, when I’m at a drive thru, I dontt have thay luxury. I must have my order ready, so I don't look stupid. They laugh at me, I know it.
33 I don't particularly like reality shows but I am hooked on them.
34 Song in my head at this moment. “Baby got back” “I like big butts and I can not lie…”
35 Favorite Simpson's Character: Ralph Wiggum,


he says: "My cat's breath smells like cat food"

36 I cant cook.
37 My class voted me: most likely to become a comedian. Yeah, that'ss not working out.
38 I felt sorry for Vice President Quayle. He just couldn't win
39 I can dance Salsa, Merengue and the Hokey Pokey
40 That’s what its all about…Hokey Pokey!!!
41 Dying to go to Canada.
42 I don’t know why. I hear it’s really clean
43 New York Style Pizza is the best.
44 I hate Pizza Hut. When I actually eat there I order Thin and Crispy
45 I cannot park. I, mean, I park within the lines but the cars always crooked.
46 I took Driver’s Education in High School.
47 Barely passed the driving exams.
48 Aced the written tests.
49 Got my license, but I didn’t know how to drive.
50 First time driving, I almost caused a major accident.
51 Love the Hanukkah Song
52 Favorite Expression on male bonding: “ I love you , man. Not in a gay way, but in a prison way”
53 I love Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks movies.
54 Another favorite expression: “Come here you tub of love”
55 I loved riding the subway in New York.
56 Went to the beach more often in New York than in Florida.
57 My dad's been sober for 14 years and I find it hard to tell him I’m proud of him
58 IÂ’m not that close with my family.
59 Mom is going through menopause. She might hate me. Its okay, its just a phase or is it?
60 I am always tense.
61 Which means getting massages are a painful experience.
62 Someone suggested I should do that stuff they do with the needles… Whats it called?
63 Acupunture?
64 No, heroin. (pa dum dum tish---rim shot) Thank you I’ll be here all week. Tip your waitresses.
65. I always tip 20%
66 Even if the service sucked.
67 Love to laugh
68 Love to make people laugh.
69 I try to write stuff from points of view I may never understand.
70 I have a Chihuahua
71 I know it’s more like a rodent. But he’s a nice guy.
72 I love when people say aboot instead of About.
73 Song in my head at this moment: Criminal by Fiona Apple. Is she dead? Skinny lil’ thing
74 I love those Garbage Pail kids Cards
75 I Don’t stand up for myself as much as I should
76 When I do it, I always get in some kind of trouble. Or I feel guilty
77 Wore the same Corduroy pants for two years. As I grew, my mom just lowered the cuffs and I had a line in my pants. Therapy, I’m coming!
78 Cried when I saw the movie E.T. I was 6.
79 When I make my own lunch, I tend to eat it before noon. Then at noon I’m hungry.
80 I thought of this footnote and added it to the One Million Footnotes blog. Its pretty gross, parental discretion is advised.
81 Sour Apple Jolly Ranchers are the best.
82 I have passed two kidney stones. I later named them: Butt and Ugly
83 Still have my wisdom teeth.
84 Last dentist I went to, was a children's dentist. Imagine a 29 year old man in a little kids dentist chair. Hey but it was free. My sister worked there.
85 He did not give me a sugar free lollipop.
86 I have two younger sisters.
87 No brothers
88 Never went to my prom or any other prom. I don’t regret it for nothing in the world.
89 I apologize too much. I’m sorry about that.
90 Song in my head at this moment: Pearl Jam “Corduroy”
91 I will never sell out
92 Unless, they pay me a lot of money.
93 One of the saddest movies I have ever seen is “the Champ” with little Ricky Schroeder. Man, you will cry. I was 5.
94 My favorite class in high school: Creative writing.
95 Least favorite class in high school: Geometry
96 I still have my tonsils.
97 Best comeback lines have come to me at 2am a week after I was dissed. Man, but they were zingers!
98 Do they still use the word dissed?
99 IÂ’ll be thirty soon. Midlife crisis here I come! Right after Therapy, I promise.
100 Favorite Comic Strips: Peanuts, Calvin and Hobbes, and Fox Trot.

UnDR

P.S. Does any one remember the Humpty Dance song? “ The Humpty dance is your chance….” No? well you had to be there.

7 Comments:

At 11:32 PM, July 02, 2005, Blogger j2 said...

my friend, jeremie, was asking me about the humpty dance the other day. i have a lot of things in common with you.

and doing the 100 list a second time, yeah, you stole it from me.

rainbows and unicorns, j

 
At 12:17 AM, July 03, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

sour apple jolly ranchers are the best!
Linda

 
At 9:57 AM, July 03, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

J2:

Guilty as charged. "I get stupid I shoot an arrow like cupid I use a word that dont mean nothin like lupid. I sang on do watcha like and if you missed it I'm the one who said just grab her in the biscuits..."

 
At 10:27 AM, July 03, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

ok Jeanne:

You were right! the spelling sucked. So, the industrial little ant that I am, I looked it up. Its spelled Farklempt(bad mood, bummed).

Thank you.
U
Heres the link j2 style:
http://www.bergen.org/AAST/Projects/Yiddish/English/comwor.html

 
At 6:09 PM, July 03, 2005, Blogger j2 said...

oh, it means bad mood/bummed? i always thought it meant getting flustered, anxious, etc.

i will have to copy and paste the link! thank you for all your time and energy put into investigating this, sir.

 
At 11:13 AM, July 09, 2005, Blogger Carissa said...

I loved the Humpty Dance! Can you imagine a first grader singing that song to you? (That's right. I used to know the words. Even though, at that age, some of the words sounded like ghdkdkfjslsdkd, because I didn't know how to pronouce them.)

Carissa

PS- Start acting like an asshole. Then women will flock to you.

 
At 7:07 PM, July 14, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...

I can't believe how much we have in common. At least 85 out of 100. I loved Garbage Pail kids, glad you don't have any body piercings and loved #29. Forget what you hear, women love sweet hearts!

 

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