Saturday, July 30, 2005

Your Questions Answered.

Here are your questions to the allknowingest person in the world. Me!

By the way, according to the consensus, I am the Greatest. Thank you. All these bloggers can't be wrong.
Here goes:

Anonymous said...
dear Mr. Achiever,if i like to play "baby" in the bedroom, but i'm pregnant, is that a conflict? please advise.thanks,baby lover
10:00 PM, July 29, 2005

Underachiever said...
Dear Baby Lover,Although a very intriguing queskion, I must say that yes there is a conflict. I advise you to depregnatize and then continue to play baby. For now just play pregnant baby. and for pete's sake please remember the soft spot.

Ahem, you forgot to say I'm the greatest.(It's ok you're a beginner)

Undr(I had to look up playing baby to answer this. Weird, intresting but Weird)

beadinggalinMS said...
Dear Under, You are the greatest(not for sure what you are the greatest at but I didnt want to get shot by a b.b. gun for not tellin you)Anyways How do you get rid of those pesky emails that says they can enlarge your penis? I don't have one so therefore I don't want to enlarge it!

UNdr Says: Well, unfortunately most women do have a penis, but it's so small that you can't see it. Therefore, the appropriate thing is to answer all those emails and have fun enlarging your Beef Bus(Hi Carissa!)

PS I am the greatest in almost everything, except cooking, blogging and most stuff done by humans.

Carissa said...
Dear Undr,You are the greatest. I think the best way to get rid of the kudzu is to tell all the drunks and teenage boys in the area that eating kudzu increases the effects of alcohol.Problem solved.Carissa

Undr says, Thank you, but because I'm the greatest, I answer the questions here.

Anna said...
Darn Kudzu.... did you know in the state of Missouri we pay a Kudzu tax to help combat kudzu?

Undr Says: Dear Anna Banana(I nickname, it's annoying) I did not know this. So it must not be true. Thank you. Ahem, you must've written I am the greatest in white, because I don't see it.

No-L said...
Dear Undr,You are the greatest! Why do the people in Boston talk funny? They add r's to things ie. i-dear & air-e-ar (idea & area.) They take r's away from things like Worcester is pronounced wusta (seriously), a town spelled Peobody is pronounced P-bidy and another one is Woburn promounced woo-bin. I thought Mass was suppose to be the smartest state, am I just stupid?Please help me I am a southern gal,No-L

Undr Says: First off, You are not Stupid. The mere fact that you are writing to me, raises your IQ to the level of a dust bunny, which is good, by dust bunnies standards, anyway.

Now back to are regularly schedule question.

Mass is the smartest state? That is a common misconception. But the reason that they mispronounce woids is a speech impediment call Bosoxfaniritis. It numbs the tongue, and because of a misfire of the electron impulses in the brain, they add or remove letters. It all started when the Red Soxs trade Babe Ruth. It may be improving this year because of the World Series, but it'll worsen for the next hundred years, since they aint goin' back. And with that being said, GO YANKEES.


To all my readers(readahs in Mass) I like to take this opportunity to thank you for your comments. Seriously, this almost makes me want to take my medication again.

Your Humble Mentor:
UNdr

ps Send me more queskions, I am really good at this. I am the new Dear Abby, but with a wee-wee.

23 Comments:

At 11:11 PM, July 30, 2005, Blogger Pseudo-intellectual lunatic said...

nice blog

 
At 11:43 PM, July 30, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

thank you, Its the readers that make my blog. And my natural talents, along with my modest humility. I am the greatest or not

Undr

 
At 11:48 PM, July 30, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

now i am ready to play the game next week. i will remember to start with, "you are the greatest" and end with, "your humble servant"

 
At 4:22 AM, July 31, 2005, Blogger dewey said...

Dear Undr,

You said Well, unfortunately most women do have a penis, but it's so small that you can't see it. Therefore, the appropriate thing is to answer all those emails and have fun enlarging your Beef Bus.

But how do you direct a man with a penis so small you can't see it to said websites, without deflating hims widdle ego? NOT that this is a problem with the current love of my life, but I'm jus' sayin... You know, in case he's not "THE ONE..."

 
At 9:14 AM, July 31, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

Dewey,

This is an interesting predicament, most men with small peni(that's plural) suprisingly started out with large ones. but with the evolution of women, things have changed. As a result shrinkage(medical term)occured. We are trying to isolate the one event that began this slow decline. It happened in a park and apparently there was Shakespeare..... Still inconclusive though.

With the highest regards,
Undr(I have a gold member(no pun intended) account at those websites, wink, wink

 
At 9:16 AM, July 31, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

PS
0h yeah, dewey, you didn't say I'm the greatest. That's ok. You are my friend. Don't let it happen again.
Undr (Mr. Modesty)

 
At 11:35 AM, July 31, 2005, Blogger Carissa said...

Dear Undr (AKA Abby with a meat bus),

You are the greatest. No one is greater than you. Why is it that I get chills down my spine when a bug flies by my head?

Also, why do redneck refuse to wear shoes even when the pavement is hot enough to cook their feet? (I understand why they go without the shirt. To prevent the horrid tan lines.)

Thank you.
Carissa

 
At 3:35 PM, July 31, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 3:38 PM, July 31, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

Carissa:

Your present excellent questions. The chills down your spine are the eggs of these flying bugs being inserted into your spinal chord. In about 20 years they will be born to become a new species that will take over the world. However, The rednecks are well educated in this area and they know that the only way of killing them is to, that's right, walk on searing hot pavement.

Now, your tan line assumption is wrong. A redneck doesn't wear a shirt because he/she is a lowlife.

UndR(Dear Abby's got nuthin on me)

 
At 3:50 PM, July 31, 2005, Blogger Carissa said...

Thank you.

Carissa

 
At 8:06 PM, July 31, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Dear Undr, You are the greatest. Do you really think that the Yankees will win the World Series?? GO RED SOX!!! :)

 
At 8:13 PM, July 31, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

Dear Linda:

Apparently the heat has caused your brain to melt. Thus, I will forgive you. Go Yankees!!!!!!

Undr(Yankee Fan to the death)

 
At 9:35 PM, July 31, 2005, Blogger No-L said...

Undr,

You are definitly the greatest! Thank you I feel so much better now about all of this, however I will not be able to speak of any of it. The fans here are all crazy and they would probably kill me at the mere mention any of this.


No-L(I'm startin to drop letters to, eeek!)

 
At 5:51 PM, August 01, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...

Dear UNdr,


Hmm, I have a question.

Why do people bring little crying babies into the theaters, thus ruining my enjoyment of movies like Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and Batman Begins?

 
At 9:07 AM, August 02, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

Dear Undr, You are the greatest of all! I just have one question. How do you know that Dear Abby does'nt have a wee wee? Maybe she did and all of us just did'nt know it.

 
At 2:49 PM, August 02, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

Dear Gunny,

It is a little known fact that Hollywood actually introduces these "babies" to cry in the theatre during your favorite movies. These "babies" are actually midget research agents. The better the movie, the more the agents. Thus making your moving going experience terrible and forcing you to pay another 8 bucks or more to see the movie again. Good Question.

Dear Lori,
Because you are a friend I will let this one slide. Normally no one is allowed to question my answers. Yet in this case it is allowable. Dear Abby in fact at one point had a wee-wee, but was removed in battle with Ann Landers and Miss Manners. It was a gruesome battle in which these three amazon advice columnists attacked each other over a cheese doodle. Dear Abby lost her Mr. Winky as she reached for the Cheese Doodle.

Excellent Questions. Keep 'em comin' and I'll hit 'em over the fence. Like the Yankees against Boston pitchers.

Undr

 
At 2:53 PM, August 02, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

No-L,

Forgive me I almost forgot to respond to your response. Please in order to prevent further brain damage, you must run not walk to New York and watch a few Yankee games. It's the only way. If not just yell "Go Yankees!" in any bar in Boston. I'm sure they'll understand.

Undr(Floridian Transplant)

 
At 4:57 PM, August 02, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Dear Undr, You are the greatest! I am typing this while I am bowing down in front of your blog. One of these days I plan on flying to New York. My question is: Do you think I will get shot if wear my Boston Red Sox shirt? Evil twin says I will. Linda with Damon on her mind and blog today.

 
At 10:33 PM, August 02, 2005, Blogger No-L said...

Dear Undr,

You are the greatest! Do you not like me? Do you want me to die? Please help me understand. ;)


No-L

 
At 12:13 AM, August 03, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

No-Ly,

I love all my undies. I do not want you to die. I was merely trying to make you see the gravity of the situation. If you don't cleanse yourself with the Yankee Games treatment. It's like walking in to a Boston Pub...and well, you know the rest.

Linda,
You will be shot. and stabbed and then shot again. And that's just the elementary school kids...

Undr

 
At 10:55 AM, August 03, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

Dear Undr, You are the great almighty! I have another ? for you. You remind me of a tv show character in a comedy/drama show can you guess who? I will give you a few hints:1. he was always drinking (had own still)
2.has a sense of humor like yours
3.nice looking
4.even though I have never met you only thru blogging you act just like him. Please respond I want to know if I have you stumped? LOL

 
At 9:15 PM, August 03, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

Lori:

?????

Undr(stumped especially the good looking part.)

 
At 11:27 PM, August 03, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

The great almighty undr stumped I can not beleive this I thought for sure you would guess who I am talking about. Well I wont leave you in suspense no more the answer is????? The answer is you remind me of Hawkeye from M.A.S.H.
and yes he is good looking when he did that show.

 

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