Thursday, August 04, 2005

Babysit-O-Rama 2005 continued...

Dear Undies:

Ok, to further milk a post that was so popular it got 4 comments, I decided to explain something that occured during Babysit-O-Rama 2005.

First off, I have a dog, you know him as Brownie.(cuz that's his name, dum-dum.)

He is trained in martial arts, evasive maneuvers and humping his toy doll Bluey (aptly named because he's blue). Also, I have painstakingly trained him to kill a Rottweiler. How, you ask? Well, as the Rottweiler is swallowing him, I trained Brownie to get lodged in his throat, thus causing The Rot's demise, as well as his own.

Let me give you a demostration of a Rottweiler attack drill that I practice with Brownie:

Brownie(getting chewed up by Rotty the evil Rottweiler): "Undr, save yourself!!!!"(Literally, woof, ouch, woof)

Me: (Running away and screaming, in a manly fashion, like a little girl) "What? I can't hear you!"

Anyway, when I was babysitting 3 children that are considered on this hemisphere as the spawn of the Devil himself, they must've hurt Brownie. I noticed as he wagged his tail, in his normal fashion that, the tip of his tail was in the shape of an "L. At first, I thought, Damn! even he calls me a loser. Then it hit me, so I said calmly:

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?"

Yes, one or all of these kids( I call them OMEN 1, 2 and 3) probably slammed the door on his little tail. Thus, breaking it.

I rushed him to the vet 12 hours after I made this discovery. After a thorough 5 minute exam the Vet, Dr. Hans Uphorsesbutt, said, I'm not making this up, "Just put some Scotch Tape on his tail. He will be fine" and as I absorbed this morsel of wisdom he also said "35 dollars, please"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?" (thump!!)

When I came to, I gave him 35 bucks and another ten dollars because Brownie took a whiz on the Doc's Carpet.

Now, I have a maimed animule. But he's a trooper. I'm sure he'll pull thorough.

Oh you know the kids, respectively 10, 9, and 5 years of age(Hi Gunngirl!) will get a talkin' to.

Sidenote: Interestingly enough, The OMEN 3( the five year old) still wore diapers. Now that I think about, I probably should of changed his diaper. D'oh.

But I digress:

Here's a pic of the Victim:






Isn't he the cutest 4 pounds of cute you've ever seen?

Don't be fooled by his apparent demeanor, he's just so embarrassed that he hid his tail and is acting aloof or awoof, if you speak dog.

Please send your donations to the:

Brownie's Straighten My Stinkin' Tail Foundation And Sweatshop.

C/O Under Achiever

123 Underachiever's Lane

Boon Docks, North Dakota 12345

or just comment on this blog and I wont sic him on you. If you're laying down he might get you in the jugular, but make sure you don't get up till he kills you. (It'll help his self esteem.)

Undr("WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?" Thump!!!!)

PS Maybe Dr Woo Suk Wang might could clone me another Brownie to hump Bluey as the real Brownie recuperates.

Just a thought. Love ya, mean it.


10 Comments:

At 11:34 PM, August 04, 2005, Blogger No-L said...

He's adorable, his poor pride with his tail all bent :( My little one has a mean growl, I have actually seen a rottweiler back away from her with his tail tucked. However the kids don't run and she absolutly hates them because they do things like pull her hair and pet her roughly. The little menaces! (except Grody's G. well Nika doesn't like her but she's not intentionally a menace. Is she Grody?)

BTW don't clone your pet! Have you ever seen Pet Cemetary? I think those type of things would happen, ok maybe not, but dude what if?

 
At 12:02 AM, August 05, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

Pet Cementary? Holy crap, never thought of that. And when you add "Dude" to your question, it really adds weight to it.

Thanks for the public service.

Undr(scared of cloned pets)

 
At 12:30 AM, August 05, 2005, Blogger just a mom said...

Funny, I don't remember sending my kids to your house.....

Your baby is cute. Kind of camera shy; poor little thing!

Big hugs for Brownie and a get well kiss on the forehead (also for Brownie).

~Mom

 
At 6:48 AM, August 05, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

AAAAWWWW! He is sooo cute. Poor lil guy with a broke tail. Give him kissies from me.

 
At 9:02 AM, August 05, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

I want to know how come the doctor said to use scotch tape and not duct tape for poor little Brownie's tail.

 
At 10:47 AM, August 05, 2005, Anonymous Julie said...

Poor Brownie! I'm with Lori though, I think duct tape will be much more effective in the tail-straightening.

But a more important question: Your vet only dinged your for $35? Damn, mine charges me more than that to walk in the door.

Give him lots of love, and keep him away from Demon Spawn.

 
At 4:13 PM, August 05, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...

Ohhhhh! He needs lots of hugs and kisses!! (and no children) Speaking of tail trauma, I slammed my cats tail in our back door, and had to get my KEY out to open it! (Drama! High pitched cat screeching drama)

Her tail was wounded, but not broken, thank god. Check her out on my blog!

Oh, and 10, 9, 5? Ahhh, you can handle it tough guy? Er, right?

I must rethink cloning. Ever see The Sixth Day with Arnold S? Repet? Oh, and The Island? I'm not sure that ever goes right.

 
At 12:05 PM, August 07, 2005, Blogger Carissa said...

Poor Brownie. You shouldn't make him go through that ever again.

 
At 12:15 PM, August 07, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12:17 PM, August 07, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

okay i had a dsylexic typing moment..sorry. no, of course my baby girl is not a menace, no-l! you know better! she may be intentionally bad to the bone, but i wouldn't say menace....:) well, not exactly....

 

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