Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Celebrity Interview, Undr Style.

: Ladies, Gentlemen, children of all ages, and lemurs, tonight I present to you:

Live from Gumlog, GA (Motto: We like the show "Little House on the Prairie". It's futuristic!)

Undr's Late Night Talk Show That Takes Place at Night
Applause machine:(Clap!)
Crickets: (chiiirp!)
Undr: Thank you, thank you. You are too kind. We have a great show tonight. Tonight's guests are Award Winning Humor Columnist and Mud Wrestler Peter "Chi-Chi" Chianca, "Webster's" Emmanuel Lewis and the crazy lady with the animals, I think her name is Jane.
Applause machine breaking: (Cl...?)
Crickets: (Chiiiirp!)
UNdr : But first, my monologue:
What's the deal with "The Quaker Oats guy? Is he really a Quaker, or a puritan or an amish guy? Am I right folks? How can you tell?
Crickets: (Yawn!!!!)
Undr: Okay, enough of that. Let's get to our first guest. You read his blog, you read his column, you follow him around. (Or is that just me?) He has been in the Blogger Top Ten since before Al Gore invented the internet.
Yes! It is World Renowned Humor Columnist and CIA Operative(janitor)
Peter "Chelsea" Chianca.
Crickets (Chiirrrp! Lit: Yippee!)
UNdr: Thanks for being on the Show Pete. For those of you unbelievers, I actually wrote Mr Chianca countless letters( 1 email) and he finally agreed to come on the show. It is an honor and a hemorrhage of pleasure to have you on the show.
Peter Chianca: I am happy to be here(Mr. Chianca really didn't say this. I just assume, he would be happy)
Undr: Let's get down to the hard hitting questions.(These are actual questions I wrote to Mr. Chianca and he responded. Of course, the restraining order wasn't nice but hey, whatta you gonna do? I think I overdid it with the hair sculptures I sent him.)
Mr. Chianca, first questions: What made you decide to go into writing?
Mr. Peter Chianca: "I thought to myself, what can I get into that is low paying, garners very little respect from the populace at large, has high-pressure deadlines and makes me feel like there's a cinderblock welded to my forehead? So it was either writing or cinderblock carrier."
UNdr: Ha-ha-ha. It's funny because it's true. I wanted to be a writer once. It just all the grammur and spelingg, I can't stand.
Next question: Do you have all your cootie shots?
Petey Chianca: "As an editor and columnist, I fortunately never have to leave the climate-controlled confines of my desk, meaning it's unlikely I'll contract cooties. But I work with a lot of reporters, and trust me, they're crawling with 'em"
UNdr: I'll have you know Mr. Chianca that I am a trained cootie shot administrator. In the event that you need one please feel free to stop by and drop your pants. Although, that might be a clear violation of the Restraining Order. So, nevermind.
Next Question: Who were you in High School? 1. Spazz, 2. Wierdo, 3. Nerd, 4. Jock 5. Mr. Popular, 6. Witty columnist for the high school paper?
Peabo Chianca: "Um... Numbers 1, 2, 3, and 6. None of them were particularly effective in garnering the attention of the cheerleaders. I did know Mr. Popular, though, and I'd just like to say for the record: I hated that guy."
Undr: Let the record show, Mr. Chianca "hated that guy". What a coincidence! I was numbers 1, 2, 3, and a cheerleader.
Next question: What advice do you give your kids that may be useful to us?
Peanut Chianca: "Please for the love of God, flush."
Undr: Words to live by, America, Words. To. Live. By. **sniff**
Lastly Mr. Chianca, is there anything you would like to plug or as the kids say "pimp"?
Pedro Chianca: "My book will be coming shortly, once I secure and agent, a publisher, and a topic. In the meantime, visit me regularly at chianca-at-large.blogspot.com. "
Undr: My agent and sock puppet named Sebembo is at your services. Now if we can only learn him to read.
OK. Now we end the interview with our version of 5 questions. To avoid any lawsuits, we will call it the 4 plus 1 questions. So here it goes.
Boxers of Briefs?: "Briefs. Lo-Rise. Wait, was that TMI?"
Paper or Plastic?: "Plastic. Gotta have the handles."
Eva or Zsa-Zsa Gabor?: "The live one. Is that Zsa-Zsa?"
Star Wars or Star Trek?: "Star Wars. No, Trek! No, sorry Wars."
How do you feel about the effects of the war on the reproductive organs of the amazonian tree frogs and the women who love them?
"I'm against it. Er, them."
Undr: Well, lets give a heartfelt round of applause to Mr. Peter Chianca everyone!
Show's Producer: The crickets are dead!
Undr: Ahem, then lets show our silent appreciation for our special guest. Mr Pete "Boom-Boom" Chianca.
Thank you once again.
After the break we will have more guests.
Now a word from our spons....Wait! there's something crawling on my leg. I think that crazy lady who I think is named Jane has let one of here animals out. OUCH! The bugger just bit me. What the...?! Oh, no worries. It just "Webster's" Emmanuel Lewis.
Thanks for watching. Join us next week when we... oh who am I kidding?
PS I'd like to thank Peter Chianca for being a good sport. He is a funny guy and one of my heroes. So, Please read his blog, column and subscribe to his paper. If you do, he might get that pesky restraining order down to 500 feet. Thank you.
Love ya, mean it!
Double PS with a cherry on top:
Please comment on how stupid I am or how great Peter "Diddy" Chianca is. I dare you. Triple Dog Dare you. ooooh!


At 7:24 AM, August 24, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Great interview. No cooties and dead crickets along with a woman named Jane.
All the makings for successful interview.
What was his name I again I didnt quite catch it?? LOL :)

At 2:39 PM, August 24, 2005, Blogger Jen-Nae said...

Oh my god...Undr too funny. Always pulling out the good stuff on a day when I really need a laugh.

At 5:28 PM, August 24, 2005, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said...

Do you need some whipped cream to go w/ that cherry?

Hey Undr - I'm gonna die at 76!

At 9:50 PM, August 24, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

Crickets for sale, crickets here anybody need any crickets only $2 a dozen.

At 11:33 PM, August 24, 2005, Blogger dewey said...

GGG05 & Undr,

Hmph. You kidlets are going to 1 or 3 years after me. But that's OK, to extend my life, I'd have to give up smoking, drinking to excess, and sex with strangers.

And what the hell would be the fun of that?

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At 3:04 AM, August 25, 2005, Blogger Terri said...

Excellent interview, Undr! I almost spat my coffee all over my keyboard at the "please feel free to stop by and drop your pants", bit. LOL!
And f.y.i. the At Large Blog was one of the first I ever started reading regularly, but sh! don't tell him - I now read yours more often than I read his.

At 8:20 PM, August 25, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...

He'd better said Star Wars. Sheesh. Oh, great interview, a regular Barbara Walters. Really. I enjoyed the happy.

Oh, and since Glitterglamgirl05 told her die year, I'll share that I'm gonna die at 74. Wow, how is that a man is gonna outlive us both. Hmmm...

At 10:37 PM, August 25, 2005, Blogger Carissa said...

Gee thanks. Now I'll have ANOTHER blog to read.

Oh, and what is up with the guinea pig rancher? What kind of name is that?



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