Friday, August 19, 2005

Undr's Complaint Department. It's back and this time it's mad.

Dear Undies,

As you know, we are always striving for the best quality poop in this establishment. We search high and low to make the "Underachiever's Corner Experience" a pleasant one. Unfortunately, we don't always meet our customer's expectations. Mostly because they are all big fat spoiled cry-babies. Therefore, we have opened our Complaint Department once again. Please share any complaints you have about your life, your job, me and that bunion that you keep pickin' at.

What are your complaints?

My complaints go as follows:

Here's a Ditty 'bout Diddy
I can stand this joker:
Sean P. Diddy Combs has done it again. He has changed his name. He is no longer, "Puff Daddy", or "P. Diddy" just "Diddy". I hate this. Why must you do this to us? Why?
Who do you think you are, John "Cougar" Mellencamp?
Diddy, if you keep doin this you're gonna end up like John boy. Let's review how many times "Cougy" changed his name.
John "Cougar" Mellencamp
John Mellencamp
Cougar Mellencamp
John Melon Cougarcamp
John Cougar Melonhead
Cougar MellenFatcamp
Cougy MellenJohn Magillicuddy III
John Cougar Mellancampchimichanga
and of course his recent name
John Meshell Ndegeocello.
Have these name changes helped John's career? No. As a matter of fact, at this very moment he is canvassing the subways of New York introducing his thumb, "Ernie", to the train riders. Why? Because he changed his name so damn much.
So, puff,doofy or whatever the hell your calling yourself, Stop it! Stop it this instant young man!
Besides, every time you do it, I have to change the tattoo on my butt. Oucheee!!!!!
Another Complaint:
Why ya'll gotta hate Tara?
It's appalling to me that people are chastising poor lil' Tara Reid (try this cool game). Some say, she is an embarrassment to sluts everywhere. Others call her a bonafide, grade "A" one-hundred percent Skank. Some even have the audacity of calling her an "overflowing Petri dish of venereal diseases".
I say rock on young lady, ROCK ON!
Who needs self respect and dignity? "Not I" says Tara. So we must stop hatin', and start debatin'(I couldn't think of a better word to rhyme with hatin')
Leave my home girl alone. If she wants to be a drunken mess, let her. It helps my chances of dating her.
Thank you.
There you have it folks. Dumb complaints from yours truly. I'm sure you'll have better ones. Let me know your complaints, I'll see what I can do to please my favorite customer...you.
Love,
Undrini "Cougar's Doody" Melonballer

6 Comments:

At 6:19 AM, August 19, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

What about Prince changing his name to symbols. I got to be first today on commenting A very hard thing to do. That is my only complaint that and the heat index being 106.

 
At 12:26 PM, August 19, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

yeah, it's f***ing hot here, isn't it lori? :)

my complaint--
can't jude law change in the cabana, like everyone else?? no, no he must flash himself as he changes. what an attention hound. first a very public affair, and now flashing the package. and may i say, not that impressive of a package at that. must. go. scrub. brain. now.

 
At 4:12 PM, August 19, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...

We finally got down to 80 degrees here. And we're sining and dancing for that one.

Aside from Prince and the symbol, which was mainly to protest his record lable, Snoop Dogg changed from Snoop Doggy Dogg. Not much, I know, but it's a change.

Tara Reid is gonna burn out before she hits 30. A true party girl, (and skank) I have to say, there's a teeny, tiny bit of jealousy there from me.

 
At 5:00 PM, August 19, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

My complaints are: One-I think I am losing my mind cause I thought I commented this morning. Two-Where are my cute heels like Tara has on in that pic. Three-Why can't my a$$ look like hers. Four-It is to FREAKIN hot with no ac in the house or the Toyota!!!
p.s.
I like Tara I think she is HOT!!

 
At 5:29 PM, August 19, 2005, Blogger dewey said...

My complaint is that Jude Law and David Beckham seem to have make the beast with two backs with every woman on the planet but ME! Goddammmit, Undr, can you please fix this atrocity?

Thank you.

 
At 5:35 PM, August 19, 2005, Blogger Carissa said...

That really is a great game.

What is it with Tara Reid's surgeries? Her boobies were botched and, as you can see on www.awfulplasticsurgery.com, her lipo is scarring bad.

Poor girl. All she wants is a little fun and a lot of alcohol.

Carissa

 

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