Friday, August 26, 2005

WHWLTW? Will the madness ever end?

WHWLTW? What the heck is that? Well I'll tell you, goober.

What Have We Learned This Week? is an ongoing segment in da cornah. It's like OCD but we aren't as neat.
Indulge me. What nugget of wisdom has passed through the urinary tract you call life?

Here's mine.

I learned that Men are Ass**le (OOPS! I put the asterisks in the wrong place. Oh well. )

I came to this conclusion this week by actually reading some of your posts(I always do, I promise) In these posts I read of men who write “Dear John” emails or cheat with their 17-year-old foreign exchange student. (Can you say green-card love?)
And that’s when I realized: Wait a cottin pickin' minute; these guys are the biggest jerkwads on the face of this earth. Not to mention those idiot husbands who don’t know a good woman if a good woman beat them with a 2 by 4 and a Honeybaked Ham.

Of course, this realization brought about another realization. I. AM. A. MAN!!!! D'oh!!!


Well.... wait a minute, let me check. Hmmm. Excuse me while I get the microscope. Okay, yes I am somewhat of a man.

So as a man, I apologize. We are all pigs. Don’t get me wrong. Some men are nice pigs like Babe

but were pigs nonetheless. So I am sorry on behalf of all men in the continental United States and Guam. I don’t know about anywhere else. I guess, I’m sorry for them too.

That’s why I am starting a coalition. The Guys Against Yucky guys Coalition. In this organization I plan to expose the different avenues of, well, yuckiness. Thus making the world a better place. So next time a guy asks me:

“Hey Dude, you wanna go out with some chicks, break their hearts and make them feel bad?” I will proudly respond “ Dude, I am in the G.A.Y coalition. That’s Right Dude, I am G.A.Y.” Then the doofuses will know that I am not interested in any of their shenanigans.

Sure, I’ll get weird looks, but hey, if they can’t stand the sight of a sensitive man, so be it. I’ll take my pale fuchsia scarf and hastily drape it over my shoulder and leave with a “hmph”.

Then for those of you men that are oppressive and controlling. I will start the Hombres Opposing Men who Oppress Movement. That’s right I’ll be a H.O.M.O too. I don’t care. I’m just tired of these jerky jerks.

Once again, I apologize for the awful way men act most of the time that we are awake. For the most part, just understand that we can’t live with out ya ladies. I mean whose gonna cook and stuff, in a barefoot and pregnant type of way?(Just kidding you can wear shoes.)

So please, forgive us, we love you. As for the dumb idiots out there: Stop that right now! You’re giving us all a bad rap.

This is what I learned this week. What did you learn? I'm sure it's not as dumb as this. Share your wisdom.

Thank You, Love, and the occasional groping,
Undr (oink)

PS As I was writing this I received good news. We are starting a new organization for women. It’s called the Ladies Everywhere Stand together Believing bad men Are Imbeciles And Nerds. So when guys come up and you want to show them you are not stupid. Just tell them you are a L.E.S.B.I.A.N.

Double P.S. with chocolate sprinkles: I hope there aren’t any groups with these acronyms. If there are, I apologize. I’ll make the necessary adjustments.

Triple P.S. Make sure you support the Linky Links . Remember, they are people too. Hugs and Bugs.

TBIT for Grody Jo-Dee: Never tried the wacky tabacky, but I love Bob Marley. Does that count? "Buffalo soldier...."

Pumpkin pie is the best!!!!! Don't move to Indy!!!(motto: Great place to bring up your kids, if you don't mind them becoming convicted felons). And I don't think they have internet there!!!!

Seriously, I'll keep you in my prayers Preggers. --UNKie Undr

Late Breaking news: I updated my 7 list. Yeah, I know you don't care.


At 11:04 PM, August 26, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

okay...and like fl ISN'T full of convicted felons in training.

oh, and i learned this week that redneck mullet men ARE SCARED of husky lesbian security guards. i felt safe, i tell you.

also, that whenever you're only at sam's for 2 items, you are destined to be behind the man in the hoveraround who's slowly writing a check, and thinks things are "outrageously" priced, and who forgot his sam's card.

At 11:40 PM, August 26, 2005, Blogger just a mom said...

I learned that when crickets mate, they go all out! I have about 100 baby crickets at my front door just begging to get in!

I have also learned that a little girl running through I-HOP can silence a room full of diners by yelling "I peed in the toilet!", as she runs to grandma.

~ Mom

At 11:52 PM, August 26, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

I learned this week that it costs $39.95 to replace the window that your dog broke because you just had to tell him watch 'em meaning look at the squirrel in the yard and he jumps up at the window after it and breaks it.

At 12:35 AM, August 27, 2005, Blogger Gowan will not be silenced said...

I just sat in 3 hours of traffic trying to get home today... your blog just made my night. I heart Undr. L.E.S.B.I.A.N's & G.A.Y.'s UNITE!

At 1:03 AM, August 27, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

Underachiever said...
grodificus jodificus:
was that you behind me? Sheesh! I said I was sorry.

Cricket love and children's urine...that's what it's all about.

Hootifina Pootifina:
I aims to please. Aww shucks! I heart you 2.


At 2:53 AM, August 27, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...

In a vast ocean of idiots and a**holes, Thank god we have our Undr! *Hugs*

(btw, your comment about being Human Resources for me made me laugh. It helped.)

At 3:25 AM, August 27, 2005, Blogger shipkicker said...

i hugged my computer monitor and wished it was you....

At 6:43 AM, August 27, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

What have I learned this week?? I am thinking. I am thinking. Wait maybe I didn't learn anything this week. Did I?? I learned that I am mental. Yep someone said I was mental so that makes it official now.
I am a L.E.S.B.I.A.N.

At 6:11 PM, August 28, 2005, Blogger Carissa said...

Oh well, let's see. I learned about visual aids for speeches, unemployment, and inflation! Good stuff, huh?

Umm...what else? Oh, when you have to let someone borrow your car, make sure that you leep you house key so you don't have to sit outside for 30 minutes until someone gets home.


At 9:21 PM, August 28, 2005, Blogger dewey said...

Beating with a ham... DAMN! Why didn't I think of that?

I don't think I'll officially join L.E.S.B.I.A.N., I've never been the "joining a club" type, but I will support their efforts, and those of G.A.Y. & H.O.M.O. whenever I can. Perhaps in political lobbying?

Holy crap! Verification word? I didn't know I was taking an eye test! :)

At 11:28 PM, August 28, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

Thanks for the hugs and your lessons learned.

Undr(oww! did someone pinch my butt? Nope, just someone beating me with a ham.)

At 6:49 PM, August 31, 2005, Blogger anika said...

Undr, you make me laugh my head off. I'm so glad you know you're G.A.Y. I am a L.E.S.B.I.A.N.

Thanks for giving us the opportunity to be all that we can be!


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