Friday, August 05, 2005

WHWLTW...The saga continues.

Dear Stalky Stalkers:

Its time, once again, for WHWLTW. For those of you who are trying to pronounce this acronym, because you think its a word, stop it! Now wipe the remainders of your last meal from your monitors. I suggest Windex with lime. It's not as good as Coke with lime, but it gives you a good buzz.

Now, Back to our Biznazz.

WHWLTW is an ongoing segment, here, at the world renowned Underachiever's Corner. It refers(not reefer you pot head) to What Have We Learned This Week.

This week I learned that even if you are not drunk, you can last two hours with your shoes on the wrong way.

Let me explain.

I woke up late for work this morning. I have to shower in the morning, no matter what. I don't drink coffee so, the shower is my morning pick me up. Yes, even if I showered the night before right before I went to bed and my hair is still wet in the morning. Believe you me I have to shower. (I'm a weirdo, but a clean weirdo.)

Then, I proceeded to shower, brush my teefs and run out the house within 12 minutes. Shoeless and rushed, I jumped into my car(I will name him Stimey. Hi Anika!) and raced down the road as if there is no tommorrow. As I'm driving down the road, I attempt to put my shoes on. Only to realize that I didn't have any socks. Luckily I was only 3 miles from the house so I returned. I Got my favorite Nautica Socks. (You know what's funny? I never bought these socks they just magically appeared one day in my sock drawer. Otherwise known as the pit of no return).

Ok! Now I'm ready and I run out the door still shoeless, but now with a pair on Nautica socks in my hand. I got into Stimey(that's my car if your keeping score) and I rushed down the road. Put my socks on as I drive, and then attempt to put my shoes on.

Interestingly enough, my shoes are a size bigger than my actual feet because I have a toe that protrudes beyond my Big Toe.(Coincidently, my big toe is named Stimey too).

But I digress.

I drove like mad and made it to work 5 minutes late. The boss(I will call him, the boss) was not there. He was late too. Yes!!!! As far as he knew I had been there all the time.

Anyway, about two hours later and at least 10 miles of walking, I noticed that I was not comfortable. I asked, "Did I put my thong underwear the wrong way again?" Noooo! I don't own a pair of those. I also asked myself "Did I put Ben-Gay in my nether regions?" Nooo! That happened once. Okay twice.
Then I realized, "oops, have I been asking these questions out loud?"

"YEEESSS!", the Boss answered.

That's when it dawned on me. I have been wearing my right shoe on my left foot and vice versa. It took me two whole hours to realize that I'm an idiot. Quickly, I removed my shoes to solve my predicament. When the boss yells "Hey, those are my socks!"

Needless to say, there is a valuable lesson in all of this: Always shower in the morning and Ben Gay is not a shower gel. I repeat IT IS NOT A SHOWER GEL!

This is what I learnt this week.

What did you learn this week? Let me know. If not make it up. The least you can do is tell me how stupid I am.

Udnr
(Scarred in the nether regions)


PS: For the love of Mike please check out some real bloggers in the Linky Links section. Come on people! I work on commission!

11 Comments:

At 7:40 AM, August 06, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

I learned when cooking baked potatoes make sure you have butter. If not it leads to running to all the gas stations trying to find some. When you do find it, it costs 3 times the amount and when you get home your potatoes are burnt!!
p.s.
I thought I was the only one that got Bengay in the wrong part. LOL

 
At 9:21 AM, August 06, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

I forgot I learned 2 things this week. Watch where you are walking barefoot outside. The end results are stepping in a nest of fire ants that leaves little blisters all over your feet!!

 
At 11:50 AM, August 06, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

what i learned this week....i learned that a man CAN break his penis. and no, it did not happen to anyone i know. apparently you can break it even though there is no bone. and it has to be surgically corrected--ouch! that wacky dr. drew is a fount of useful information.

 
At 1:03 PM, August 06, 2005, Blogger just a mom said...

I learned that I really don't like it when people leave negative comments on my blog and it bothers me a little too much.

Oh and also.....I learned that when you have big boobs and you wear a strapless bra under a tank top and you're freaking hot and want to loose the bra......that you really shouldn't try and rip the bra off while at a stop light at a busy intersection in Dallas......not that I tried to do that.....I'm just sayin', you shouldn't do it. Tee hee!

 
At 1:19 PM, August 06, 2005, Blogger anika said...

Undr, I just need to tell you that I am very impressed with the fact that your car has a name. Good boy. But the name 'Stimey'??? Erm, ok.

 
At 1:34 PM, August 06, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Just a mom you shouldnt try it at a busy intersection in Picayune MS either. Not that I have tried. Ok maybe I did got arms tangled up, light turned green and I had to shift the truck it was an experience!! LOL

 
At 1:44 PM, August 06, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 6:53 PM, August 06, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...

I learned today that even though I wake up waaay early, I can still manage to be late.

And I did the shoe thing before, I also put my shirt on inside out more than once too. (Don't tell anyone.)

 
At 11:22 PM, August 06, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

What I learned this week is never make a deal with your 7yr old he will turn on you.

 
At 11:59 AM, August 07, 2005, Blogger Carissa said...

I learned this week that going to Wal-Mart with a 50-something woman, her efficiency-challenged mother, and her 10-year-old pathological lier niece is a BAD IDEA.

Actually, I should have learned this last weekend, but I'm hard-headed.

 
At 4:26 PM, August 07, 2005, Blogger dewey said...

Nah, you're not stupid. Just lacking in sensitivity - in your feet...

This week, I learned that a kickboxing studio has opened near my house! Yay for me! Bad for those who piss me off!

 

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