Thursday, September 01, 2005

I know what you did last summer. Uh.. Actually I don't.

Dear Undies:

Today was a rough day. I should have called in sick but being that I am the only employee in the Boiled Peanut Stand, I decided to show up.
To make matters worse, a bee stung the living crap out of my neck. Damn you bee!!(I'll call him Opie. Damn you Opie!!!). I was driving around when out of nowhere, I felt pain. Painful Pain. I mean. really, really Painful Pain.( Adjectives, who needs 'em) It hurt like a mother. I decided to officially make this the worse pain ever. Nothing could compare to this pain. Well childbirth might be a good runner up, but I think this is worse.

Anyway, I really didn't want to talk about that too much, because, it's stupid. What I really want to ask you is, What is you favorite summer memory?

You know like the time you and Billy McGorgenstein, made out behind the barn. Only to find out that he was a 42 year-old short guy. Or the summer you robbed that convenience store with a smelly pair of underwear. Or the time you ran away and joined the circus, but the freaks sent you home, because you were just too wierd. And who can forget the time you became a boiled peanut salesman, were expelled from your town and got pelted with rotten cheese puffs... or was that just me?

Aaaah! The memories...

Here is one of my many memorable summers:

As some of you know, I lived in a rough neighborhood in New York City. I mean we would literally just mug ourselves. You know, "eliminate the middle man". Anyway, it was summer I was 9 years old and my dad says to me and my sister Mofeefa, "We're going to Disney World"
To me this was a dream come true. Being surrounded by those mean streets can make you somewhat of a mean person. I know had I not gone to Disney World, I would be involved in some white-collar crime at this moment. Such as stealing paper clips and making personal phone calls from the office telephone. I know, I hate to even think about it.

Anyway, when my dad told us that we would go to Mickey Land I wet my pants. This of course was not a result of happiness but mainly a weak bladder. But I digress.

So we went to Disney World in sunny Orlando, FL. We had such a blast. We did all the touristy stuff like steal towels and ashtrays from hotel rooms. Ahh those were the days. Unfortunately, two bad things happened on this trip: 1) I almost drowned at the Days Inn pool and as a result, I got grounded. You know, for almost dying. (Good ol' sympathetic dad.)

And 2) The embarassing outfit my dad picked out for me the day we were going to have breakfast with Mickey and Friends. Which for those of you who don't know, is breakfast with a bunch of unemployed actors, who make funny faces and flick you off indefinitely behind their character's masks.

Anyway, back to my outfit:

My dad lovingly and stupidly chose as my breakfast attire, a yellow "Mickey Mouse" T-shirt with, get this, golden shorts and matching yellow socks. I looked like a short Roller Disco guy. Seriously, I looked like a wannabe Solid Gold Dancer. Upon a thorough search, I found pictures of this catastrophe. While examining these pictures in pure humiliation, I realized that I had a male camel toe thing going too. I was a nine year old chubby kid with a camel toe for crying out loud!!!!(In my defense, it was not as bad as this guy*. I mean, I showed some indication that I was an actual boy.) Nevertheless, I am so glad that I really wasn't aware of this atrocity at the time. It would have truly messed me up.

Other than that, this was an awesome trip. But I'll tell you one thing, it sure explains why I always have to dance...

Now tell me your memorable summer story. I would appreciate it. You can drop by and leave it in the comments section like a steamy diaper or you can post it on your blog. Either way let me know.

Undr("Summer lovin' had me a blast...")

PS I had a camel toe people!!!!!!

*via ftit


At 9:39 AM, September 01, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

Camel Toe OH the HORROR!

At 12:40 PM, September 01, 2005, Blogger Jen-Nae said...

I cant write my best summer memory right now, maybe I will post it. But I do have a horrible outfit story. When I was in grade four I put together what I thought was the coolest outfit ever, now when I look back I am horrified and can't believe my mom let me leave the house. I was wearing a white puffy sleaved shirt, blue and white stripped denim shorts (rolled up!!), purple tights and brown leather pointy lace-up boots (think little house on the prarie). It was awefull...luckly, no camel toe.

At 1:12 PM, September 01, 2005, Blogger anika said...

I have no summer story (yet), but I certainly have a plethora of ugly outfits when I was growing up. How about the full denim, head to toe, including shoes, jacket, pants, hair clip thingy -- I. Was. Cool.

At 2:35 PM, September 01, 2005, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said...

Going to the beach. My mom has this picture of me posting when I was about 4 in a wonder woman bathing suit building a sand castle. I have the picture framed and on my bureau. How nice it would be to be 4 years old and at the beach again instead of dealing with - work, idiot ex boyfriends and friends sometimes.

You can find me under a steaming pile of poo today. I just had to give up free tickets to the football game!

At 3:51 PM, September 01, 2005, Blogger Terri said...

Well I got a summer story - and yep, it's on my blog, so take a look (you know me - it's FAR too LONG to be a mere comment!)

As for the outfit... Dude! You paint a rather disturbing picture of yourself ;-)

At 5:02 PM, September 01, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...

Wow, I have nothing nowhere near as great as a trip to Disney World. That rocks. Sigh, so, I'll say one that comes to mind is when me and my sister camped out in the backyard: tent, flashlight, books, etc. And, not only did my aunts dog, Chico, come to visit us (he was uninvited) my mom brought us hamburgers and lemonade. (yea ma!)

We were little kids out alone all night in the yard. It was fun, and a cool summer moment that will stay with me.

At 5:05 PM, September 01, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...

Oh, and my one bad clothes moment was I wore a rainbow colored polo type shirt and jeans with rainbow colored suspenders (???) in about fifth grade. Seriously, I was obsessed with wearing suspenders, thought they were the coolest.

Later I realized my I had no fashion sense--and still don't. LOL

At 9:07 PM, September 01, 2005, Blogger dewey said...

Summer of 1995. I had take a couple of years off high school to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. So the summer of '95 was gap between high school and university. I was quite hot in my younger days, so I was able to make a SHIT LOAD of money bartending in a night club. OH, the insanity. The late nights, the crazy times with crazy boys. I didn't save a penny for my tuition or books, but DAMN did I have a good time.

And I have no crazy outfit stories to share. My mother had flawless taste, which I inherited. Uh-huh.


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