Monday, September 12, 2005

Roll Call

Dear Undies:

May I have your attention please? Summer is over. It's time for School to begin. Please make sure you say "Present" when I call your name. That's right it's time for the Roll call.

Is Linda here? Uh yeah. Would you please not eat those beads. They are not rock candy.

Lori? Are you chewing gum? No? Just Chewing tabacco. Well that's ok. Just don't spit it in your sister's hair. By the way, what is the lawn chair for?

Carissa: Why are you talking like that? I can't understand Pig Latin. Oh and please make sure you keep your chickens in the car. They frighten me.

NO-L: Yeah I know you will be president and all but this classroom is not BYOB. That's what lunchtime is for.

Grody Jo-dee Thanks for bringing me the mountain dew looking liquid in the orange container. And no you cannot sit with NO-L.

Glitter Glam Girl: Is that Def Leppard in your backpack? Well, make sure they don't disrupt the class. No Guitar solos allowed.

Dewey: Do you mind not snarling? It's scaring me. You cute little snarler you.

Anika: NO we will not be going camping on our next field trip. Hey, why are you giving me a fish tank cleaner?

Terri: Sit next to Dewey I'm sure you'll get along. And put away that gun.

J2: Just because you are my siamese fraternal twin that was born 3 years after me, doesn't mean you are going to get any preferential treatment. BTW, Is your steak ok? May I get you some more Perrier?

Gunngirl: I see you have a signed letter excusing you from P.E. Hmm... I didn't know your mom was named Buff Y. Vampirslayer. Is that Ukranian?

Just a mom: Soon you will be a foreign exchange student in UAE but please try to behave. And stop flashing those things. You'll poke someone's eye out!

Jen-Nae Please be sure to keep an eye on Shipkicker and Hootie Pootie, they look like trouble.

and the rest of you, welcome to my class.

Here is your assignment. Best grade school memory. Like the time you peed your pants and no one found out. Or the time you played simon says and you were not the first one to lose. You were the second one. Or even the time when you ran so fast that your cordouroy pants actually caught on fire. Yup those were the good ol' days. So let me know your grade school memories. If not make it up, I wont check I promise.

From your educator with love,

Mr. Undr(you can call me "ma'am")


At 7:56 PM, September 12, 2005, Blogger Gowan will not be silenced said...

My gradeschool memory is kind of funny. It was in 3rd grade...I remember someone was making fun of me for having a boyfriend, and well back then it was like eww boy germs right, and I just wasn't having it. So I chased this boy down into the geodome and grabbed his jacket, swung him around until he fell and cut himself. Never felt such satisfaction and then he told on me and I got in trouble. He never messed with me again.

At 8:18 PM, September 12, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

mr. undr,sir,

PRESENT! (because if it's elementary school we yell) when i was in the first grade, we had this swing set that was close to a set of stairs. my friend stacy could jump from the top step and grab the top bar of the swingset. having no idea that there was NO WAY my arms were as long as hers (she was a tall tall kid), i confidently launched myself off the top step. BAM! i did not make it, and planted my face firmly on the concrete. d'oh. not such a good idea.

At 9:26 PM, September 12, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

PPPRRESSENNTTT(spitting the beads out)
My grade school memory Mr. Undr Sir is
when I was in kindegarten. There was a girl who colored her pictures in circles and ate her crayons. We told her that she would spit posion bubbles from eating them. I don't think she believed us cause she kept chewing her crayons.

At 10:05 PM, September 12, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

Excuse me teacher but I have a doctors excuse to sit in a lawn chair and I am not allowed to do homework and such matters.

At 10:49 PM, September 12, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

p.s. i heard no-l had cooties anyway. so i can't sit next to that.

At 11:31 PM, September 12, 2005, Blogger Ben O. said...

Grade School, huh?

Got to be the day I stood up in front of the entire class and anounced that I was no longer Benjie, but from that moment on I was Ben.

Nice - Ben O.

At 11:54 PM, September 12, 2005, Blogger No-L said...

PRESENT!!! As future president I state there should be certain rules in the classroom that *cough kids like Grody should not be allowed to talk negatively about their future leader. If they continue to do so they should get a paddling from the office...

Wait do they do that anymore? Even if they do Grody might like that.

Well while she wasn't looking I poured my lunch milk in her very cute new purse so naah :P

OK now that I've cleared that up and BTW I've got my fingers crossed, in case anyone else wants to spread any other vicious things around.

Did I tell you my parents are probably testing me for ADD? Yes I have a hard time focusing on what I'm suppose to do or say...

Oh yeah, I'm suppose to tell you about a grade school story. Hmmmmmmm....

So I was somewhat athletic and played games and sports all of the time. I even made the presidents lists, yes I've always been an over achiever. One day I was playing 4 square with my friends. My stupid brother, who was only 1 year older, along with his stupid friends decides that they're going to ride their stupid bikes through our squares and taunt us. So I yell at him and call him some names that are probably not appropriate for this classroom... and besides I don't want to follow miss smarty-pants Grody to the office. So anyways, he gets off his bike, gets in my face and yells at me so I get in his face and yell back. Then we sort of start pushing each other and I punch him with my right hook and kinda goes sideways and puts his hand to his mouth crying. Did I mention that he has some wire retainer thing in there? Well I had sort of forgotten that and next thing I know blood is coming out.

Well guess who got in trouble? Me, that's who! Can you believe it? He's the one who was riding with his stupid friends taunting me. I think he also pushed me first.

Did I mention I was about a foot taller than him at the time and he was my older brother? He never really messed with me after that, well except for this other time when he cut me with his knife... on accident! Well that's another story.

Did I get an A++, Mr Undr?

At 12:23 AM, September 13, 2005, Blogger No-L said...

Whew, that was a long comment... Hey you have to be long winded to become president, isn't that part of the criteria?

At 12:43 AM, September 13, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

Dear undies:

Your stories are awesome!!! A++++ for all.
Between the violence, self inflicted face to concrete smashings, crayon injestion and grade school affirmations, I have to ask, when did you guys find the time to learn?


PS NO-L Love the long-winded stuff it's what this democracy is made of. Love the comment,you big brother beater upper you!!!

At 2:42 AM, September 13, 2005, Blogger j2 said...

i'm sooo glad i was here for roll call! hello darling. i know you want a "grade school memory" but i have a middle school memory (i guess that's grade school b/c it's graded but i usually think of elementary when someone says "grade school") anyhoo-

i was inlove with my math teacher (oh wait this is high school...) and one day he was standing over my desk helping me and kind of knocked my calculator off the desk, it was all so quick...i went to grab for the calc and grabbed his crothch instead. i died.

the end.

P.S. i am super duper glad you are my teacher this year!

At 8:22 AM, September 13, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

wow, no-l, cooties AND no manners. guess those southern manners aren't all they're cracked up to be (cracked, he he he he). um, mr. undr., i think no-l needs to sit in the corner. has anyone seen the dunce hat? oh, you're right, mr. undr, she already has it.

At 11:46 AM, September 13, 2005, Blogger ramblin' girl said...

quietly sitting in corner, so as not to draw attention... [whispers] here...

grade school memory:
my dog used to escape from the back yard and come to school to play with me. all of the classrooms had an outside door, he even learned which was my room.

so, although I was in 2nd and my brother was in 5th, I always got to walk him back home... such a smart dog to know I didn't want to sit next to the paste-eating scary boy next to me all day!

At 1:31 PM, September 13, 2005, Blogger Terri said...

Sorry I'm late, teacher! Have an apple.
The first friend I made in grade school was a boy (a sign of things to come but I didn't know that then) and the only time I ever got in so much trouble that the teacher made me stand in a corner was when we shared a desk.
That's a good memory.
But I hated school.
I also remember being teased mercilessly by my big sister & her friends who were playing 'catch' with my lunch-box, and in trying to snatch it back from them I ran into the side of a classroom and almost broke my nose. Combination of blind rage and a depth-perception problem.
More signs of things to come :-)

At 1:36 PM, September 13, 2005, Blogger Terri said...

Oh, and Hi Dewey, I'm Terri. Since we'll be sharing a desk I thought I should introduce myself.
I don't bite, promise!

At 5:16 PM, September 13, 2005, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said... sir that's not Def Leppard in my backpack. It's Bon Jovi. How ya doing?

Grade school memory eh? There once was this time when I got my snacks stoken by a bully until my mean older cousin walked me to school one day and beat up the girl who was stealing my snacks. Oh yeah and wearing poodle skirts and saddle shoes because I was so cool then and I am now.

At 5:30 PM, September 13, 2005, Blogger Janie said...

the annoying girl in front of me kept flicking her hair back, onto my desk. so i did what any sweet-but-slightly-irritated darling would do; i gave her a good trim.

At 6:50 PM, September 13, 2005, Blogger dewey said...

*snarl* Yeah, I'm here. What, can't you see me? And DON'T call me cute. :P Grade school memories... Ummm, I don't have any GOOD memories of grade school. Except the summer before high school. But those aren't PG. I'd hate to shock the other kids.

At 6:56 PM, September 13, 2005, Blogger Jen-Nae said...

Ok well I cant believe that I will put this out there for all to see because Im still embarassed but here we go...In grade 1 I really needed to go to the little girls room but my teacher wouldnt let me go because you see, I was supposed to go at recess or lunch only. So I sulked and went back to painting on the floor when IT happened! I wet my pants...oh how terrible. But I tell ya, I was a smart little kid - before anyone saw what happened I knocked over the paint water and just told the teacher I spilled all over myself. I think she knew what really happened but at least the other kids didnt.

At 7:06 PM, September 13, 2005, Blogger dewey said...

Hi back at you Terri!

Do you think we can take teacher out for the rest of the day if we crack him in the back of the knees and then in the back of the head?

Let's try! Then we can go light firecrackers and smoke cigarettes!

(I always was a bad influence...)

At 8:19 PM, September 13, 2005, Blogger GlitterGlamGirl05 said...

There's always "smoking in the boys room" just ask Motley Crue!

At 10:08 PM, September 13, 2005, Blogger shipkicker said...

um i got suspended from school for beating up a boy who called me a bitch and said he hated me. but that was in grade 11. i am serious.

At 12:18 AM, September 14, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Dewy and Glitterglamgirl I will meet you in the boys room for cigarettes I got plenty for all of us to smoke and ssshhh we dont want Mr. Undr Sir to hear us ;)

At 1:34 PM, September 14, 2005, Blogger anika said...

I'm here I'm here I'm here I'm here -- sorry I'm late, Mr. Undr, but traffic was bad and the Starbucks lineup was so long and then I spilled my coffee in my car and I tried to do my makeup while driving but I accidentally poked myself in the eye with my mascara.

At 2:31 PM, September 14, 2005, Blogger Liz said...

Well, I have a swingset story myself grody jo-dee. I was across the street at a friends house playing on her swingset in the 3rd grade. I told her it was fun to jump from the monkey bars to the ground and that I had done it plenty of times on my swingset (big fat lie). I showed her how to do it once and she wanted to see it again...well my left elbow broke the second jump. BROKEN...don't ever break your takes forever to heal!

Then there was the time in 8th grade that I called in to the a radio station because the opinion question of the day was about whether there should be condom machines in the high school bathrooms. Well, I called in and wanted to be known so I said "This is Liz from so-and-so school...and at my school if you ask the gym teachers for condoms, they give them to you." I said that because some jerky boy told me that. BUT IT WASN'T TRUE. This was the only time I was called to the principal's office. It was horrible. I really learned my lesson! I wonder if that could be true now...what with sex being a norm??? Who knows?!

At 7:00 PM, September 14, 2005, Blogger Carissa said...

I remember this one guy that I went to school with from 2nd grade until we graduated high school.

Do you remember those cheap cardstock bookmarks you would get free at the library? Yeah, he sat next to me in 4th grade and ATE MY FRIGGIN' GARFIELD BOOKMARK!

Of course, he also did a cartwheel on the stage when we graduated.


At 8:50 PM, September 14, 2005, Blogger just a mom said...

Um, Mr. Undr ma'am? Yah, well, I like had a note from my dad but like my brother rolled a dubie with it. He totally got so totally high but told me not to tell. Anyway, it like said that my brother's girlfriend's cousin's boyfriend's sister saw me chocking at Baskin Robin's the other night and I almost died. Went to the freaking hospital and everything. Wanna see the bruises from the ET thingy they put in my arm to feed me that water stuff from a bag?

So like, can I finish my assignment on my own blog and turn it in like tomorrow? (I say while batting my big blue eyes, smacking my Hubba Bubba and leaning over your desk to show off my cleavage - nothing new for me....)

At 12:49 AM, September 15, 2005, Blogger just a mom said...

And so like, I totally can't spell either.......


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