Friday, September 09, 2005

WHWLTW? Oh no, not again!!!!

Dear Undies:

I would like to say that I appreciate the overwhelming response I got to the drinks post. Initially, I was embarrassed to see that I have a very little knowledge of alcohol consumption. Nevertheless, I will embark my journey to alcohol enlightenment real soon. I will try the Long Island Iced Tea, and move down the list. I'm sure it's cool to be in a bar with a long computer print out of drinks that you provided for me. Again, I say thank you. ("Ring" Um.. Excuse me let me get that....Oh it was just AA, they wanted me to make an early reservation. I wonder why?)


Well, enough of that stuff. It's the moment you've been waiting for. It's time for WHWLTW? "What in tarnation is that?" you ask. Well, it stands for What HAve We Learned This Week? It's like N.W.A but without the attitude. "How does it work?" you annoyingly ask. Well, it's quite simple. I tell you what I learned and you tell me what you learned. So let's get ready to rumble!!!!

This is what I learned this week:

1 Drinking a 4 pills of a product called "Colon Cleanse" is not a good thing.(I thought they were something else)

2 Making a soundtrack for a movie that they'll never make of you is hard. (But, I'm still trying. Just give me some time.)


3 People take showers differently that me. For example(this is a long one folks.) NO-L has an interesting ritual and she asked me personally(yeah right!) to explain my bathing habits. So here it goes.

(Groggily I enter tub and sniff the bar of Soap and it wakes me up just like in the commercials!)
  1. I put shampoo on my dry hair.
  2. Turn water on while in tub.
  3. Stand as far away from the water as I can until it is the right temperature; Boil.
  4. Stick my head into the water stream and then begin the lather process.
  5. Proceed to apply face wash while the Shampoo has time to clean my hair and kill any creatures.
  6. Leave shampoo and face wash stuff on face as I begin the lathering of my beautiful ogre-like body.
  7. I use a loofah(actually it's a rusty Brillo Pad) and begin the body cleansing.
  8. Once I have efficiently removed two layers of skin. I begin the rinsing.
  9. After rinse I do a check behind the ears and make sure I'm squeaky clean.
  10. I turn off water and commence the drying.
  11. After I am completely dry(with the exception of my back. I don't know why I do this.) I step out of tub and brush my teefs and apply smelly stuff to my body.
  12. I wrap towel around my waist and walk out.
  13. I used to walk out naked but the Truck Stop personnel complained.


And this is how I shower. Now, if you want a transcript or the homevideo I made of this process, please be sure to email me and I will send the cops right over, you perv. Then I will send you the video, because I'm flattered in a sick way.


Yessiree Bob!!! These are some of the lessons o' the week.

What have you learned? Let me know, if not make it up. And don't forget to do NO-L's assignment. She knows where you live.

Love,

Undr("Zestfully clean, Zestfully clean, your not fully clean until your Zestfully Clean")


PS: For Grodee-Jody TBIT: I had a terrible pain in my abdomen. The doctors thought it might be kidney stones. However, just to make sure they wanted to check my prostate. How do they check the prostate? Well, let me put it to you this way. They tell you to bend over and insert a finger in your...... Need I say more? But the funny thing was that as I was preparing for this humiliating test, in walks another doctor, a woman, my neighbor and proceeds to put the rubber glove on and well, you know the rest. To make matters worse, she utters the words that no man wants to hear: "Stop Clenching!" I was a wee lad of 19 and my butt was de-virginized by my neighbor.

I had to see this woman for the next 6 years while she lived next door to me. Never once looking her straight in the eye.

Well, Jo-Dee, Thanks for the memories.!!!

9 Comments:

At 12:26 AM, September 10, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

well, at least if you get attacked by a gay man, you will have been initiated. your female neighbor!! that 'splains a lot about you undrini.

 
At 12:53 AM, September 10, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

Jo-dee:

It does explain a lot. My neighbors were professionals and I became a boiled peanut salesman out of spite.

or do you mean something else?

Undr

 
At 7:00 AM, September 10, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

I learned that when you have to walk a crazy dog for him to do his business, that he does not like to wait for you to light a cigarette. You have to train him to wait a few seconds before flying down the steps. Luv, Linda

 
At 10:40 AM, September 10, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

i was thinking that explained the love of shirley temples :) but the boiled peanut thing makes sense, too. you showed them! ha.

 
At 11:38 AM, September 10, 2005, Blogger Terri said...

I learned that I just never learn. Yep, was out at a farewell drinks thing last night, on an empty stomach again and as a result am barely able to function today.
I learned that sambuca tastes just horrible with cranberry juice in it.
And I learned how Undr takes a shower.
Momentous week indeed.

 
At 5:32 PM, September 10, 2005, Blogger Lori said...

Lets see what have I learned this week: You should never be ranting and raving about THINGS when your boyfriend is in the other room and you dont know it 'cause he will make you go outside and CHILL. PS I think boiled peanuts look like they are floating in elephant pee.

 
At 11:57 PM, September 10, 2005, Blogger shipkicker said...

soap is sooo overated. i prefer to go the organic route and bathe with granola.

 
At 12:00 AM, September 11, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

shippy:

I tried that but I still find granola in places where granola shouldn't be found.

have you tried tofu loofah bath? It is to die for.

Undr

 
At 11:18 PM, September 12, 2005, Blogger No-L said...

Good job on your shower posts! I'm curious however, how do you put shampoo on dry hair? That seems weird!

 

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