Saturday, October 15, 2005

WHWLTW? What? Were you expecting something else?

Dear Undies:

Has it been a week already? Wow, time sure flies when you question your very existence.

It's time once again for WHWLTW? This is a recurring nightmare, here at Da' Corner. It stands for What Have We Learned This Week? It's nothing like PMS ... AAAAAAAAHH!... I hate you! I disgust you, don't I?!... You think I'm fat!... GROOOOOWL!.... WAAAAAAAAAAH! ....I love you.... erm, actually, it's totally like PMS.

Here's how to play. I tell you what tickled my fancy this week and you tell me what floated you boat. Simple, aint it?

With out further ado, this is what I learned this week.

1 Apple has unveiled the new Ipod movie player. Man, this is great! It sure beats walking around with that damn VCR duct-taped to my arm and don't get me started on that stinkin' extension cord!

2 The New James Bond is a blonde guy named Daniel Craig. I guess blondes do have more Bond. (Get it? I substituted Fun with Bond because I'm kooky that way.)

3 I still attract cross-dressers even at the age of 30. Let me tell you, he was staring at me for a long time while I was at a restaurant with some friends. (I won't tell you which one it was, but I ordered the Bloomin' Onion and the Outback Special. You're right! It was the Waffle House. I sho' can't fool you, now can't I)

Now, in his defense, he would have made a very attractive woman, had it not been for the stubble on his face and chest hair uh on his chest. EEEWWW! Yuckie poo! But nice rack, if I do say so meself.


4 Jesus, is our savior and apparently helps us with our bodily functions.

Let me explain, I was at the same restaurant, yeah the one with RuPaul staring me down, and I decided to go powder my nose. I don't know where you do this, so I went to the bathroom instead. There I was standing infront of a urinal, reading. (For the ladies, a urinal is like a sink. But a sink you definitely don't want to wash your hands in.) Yup, I was just reading an article from the AJC that was conveniently placed on the wall behind the urinal. ( I wonder if they do this for the ladies bathroom stalls. I'm sure they would put Cosmo, Vogue or Popular Mechanics, even.)

Anyways, the ladies room was busy, because there was a line. I think they were offering government cheese in there, the line was so long.

Soooo, in comes this lady into the M-E-N- apostrophe- S room. And oh boy! She did not want to read the newspaper, if you know what I mean. You don't? Well, Einstein, she wanted to pee! Are you happy! Sheesh!

The point is, she comes in and runs into one of the stalls and this is what she said(Honest to Bob!):

Pee Lady: "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus Oh, Jesus, Jesus Oh, Jesus...")

Me ( in my head) :"Hmm says here there's a special on Arugula* this week at the Piggly Wiggly"

Pee Lady: "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Oh Jesus *trickle, trickle* "

Me (In my head): "hmm that Dave Barry is quite the Kidder"

Pee Lady: "Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. Thank youuuuu Jesuuuuusssss!"

She then washes hands (in the urinal. Ha-ha, had you there!) and sings 3 more verses of "Thank you Jesus". She sang loverly. Kinda like Kelly Clarkson meets Froggy meets Jim "Gomer Pyle" Nabors; meets Darth Vader. Very soothing.)

Me( in my head): "Eh, I might as well just pee while I'm here."

The end.

I don't know why stuff like this happens to me.

Love, but only after I was my hands first,


PS What did y'all learnt thus week? Lut muh no, if not make it up. Lub ya, meen it!

Double PS and baked potato: I am sorry that most of my stories this week somehow involved the bathroom, the loo, if you will.

Next week, it'll be something more comfortable, like my Bikini Wax weekend extravaganza. (YOU'RE GONNA WAX WHERE?!) Have a nice weekend or a naughty one, if you're nastay!

* "Itsa vegitible"--Steve Martin 'My blue Heaven'.


At 2:13 AM, October 15, 2005, Blogger j2 said...

ILTW that I may be in love with the line cook Roberto. his nickname is Mono. we speak beautiful spanglish together.

p.s. only rednecks order the outback special ;)

At 2:22 AM, October 15, 2005, Blogger Underachiever said...

Mono is monkey, are you sure it's not Mano?

Undr(ain't no rednect here!)

PS I had the New York strip by the way. What's it called again? I don't remember. It wouldn't have been funny had I said that. I mean it wasn't funny as it is anyway.

At 2:32 AM, October 15, 2005, Blogger j2 said...

no mono (en ingles) like the prefix mono- (single, one, etc.) because he's always quiet and stays to himself when he's working. haha but that's funny i didn't know that in spanish we are calling him monkey. he knows why we call him Mono though. i think i'll call him My Little Monkey from now on.

Ayers Rock Strip.

i understand, i got the funny. hahaha i'm dyin over here.

heh. just kidding. you know you funny A. Van.

At 1:37 PM, October 15, 2005, Blogger Terri said...

ILTW that Irish weather forecasters have the easiest job in the world (It'll be mild and dry with a possibility of rain and low temperatures)
ILTW that I can always get a laugh from somthing Undr has written - thanks for your comments on my blog(s) and making me lol with your bathroom story :-)

At 12:15 AM, October 16, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...

Undr, I'm NOT one for bathroom humor, so I admit I skimmed this one, but maybe this guy/girl had a UTI or something? *shrug*

At any rate, here's the two things I learned this week:

1.Ask questions and confer with people who know more than you before leaping into something.

2. Fathers suck. (actually, I'm relearning this one.

At 2:36 PM, October 16, 2005, Blogger Gareth said...

Holy schmolly you added me to your links. Niceee one!!! Maybe it has been there for a year, no maybe a month, a week, ok then a day, hour, minute, geesh would you give me a freakin' break. I shouldn't have thanked you to begin with, geesh! HAHA.

At 8:46 PM, October 17, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

so i'm thinking she had a bladder infection? we should ALL be so thankful for pee.

At 1:56 AM, October 18, 2005, Blogger ms. ana said...

Hey, great stuff.

I had an experience like that once. But not as funny.

No, I wasn't the one who was desperate.


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