Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Undr's Beauty Pageant of Pageantry.

Dear Undies,

Recently, I found myself doing what we journalist call "Research". This requires a self sacrificing attitude and lots of Twinkies. Not to mention, trying to find a decent magazine at the Rehab center, some of which may have been in circulation during the Nixon administration. Anyway, I came across an article about Beauty Pageants. I was appalled, flabergasted and flambe'd at the way that woman are portrayed in these "Meat Shows", as my uncle Bosephus would call them.

When are we gonna live in a society where women are not treated like sex objects? It is wrong, wrong I tell you! So gather your thoughts and begin to write your public officials and your bookies, and plead, no demand that they put and end to beau...Wait!

There's a swimsuit competition?



Ok Undiestains, it's time for Undr's Beauty Pageant of Pagentry.

Now, my lawyers, my sock puppet Sebembo(welcome back!) and my finger puppet Fingery, have advised me that I cannot have a swimsuit competition. This is because most of the Pictures I have of you were obtained illegally. So they say! ( I was bird watching at midnight with my high power X-Ray Telescope! Honest)

Therefore, we have to skip to the Talent competition. Yessirree, Nelly! I would like to know what special talent(s) you have. Any talent will do. Like your talent of playing Beethoven's Top 40 classics using your armpit. Or your talent of cleaning your ear canal with your tongue. Or even your uncanny talent of turning me down at the bar without even saying a word and tearing into my heart, leaving me to die a lonely lonely death...erm.. uh ... yeah.

So, show me your talents. No, No, put your shirt back on! Not those talents, the other ones.

Let me know in the comments section or blog about it. Either way, don't call the cops.



PS If you would like to send me pictures of yourself in a swimsuit(yeah guys too, I don't discriminate! *shudder*) I would appreciate it. You know it would totally be for research. Yeah that's what they would be for. Love ya, mean it!


At 5:09 AM, November 22, 2005, Blogger cherish said...

I can walk on the tips of my toes forever. When I was little my brother would have me stand on the back of the couch, jump off and land on the concrete floor of our basement on my toes. He would also bet his friends that I could walk around outside on my toes for so many minutes or around the block; he always won! hehe It grossed everyone out and my brother enjoyed freaking his friends out. But this has left me with short stubby Flintstone feet.

At 7:31 AM, November 22, 2005, Blogger rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

"When are we gonna live in a society where women are not treated like sex objects?'

when daughters are raised with self-esteem

At 7:33 AM, November 22, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

So that was you lurking around in the bushes. I promise not to call the cops. Cross my heart stick a finger in my eye and all that stuff. Talents mmmm let me think a second. I can give you a look that would shut you up and send you to your room saying yes mommie I will be good. I have a natural talent of attracting any gay female in town. In that case I have to give them the look to send them on saying what a BIATCH!! LOL
mucho luvo underooo, Lindy-Lin

At 8:36 AM, November 22, 2005, Blogger Liz said...

Undr...so that was you skulking around the house last night. I was madder than an angry wildebeast when i saw that Sebembo was missing. I supposed he belongs with you and now both of you are happy...I guess I aim to please. *Sigh* I didn't get my People mag...I guess I have to spend the $3 myself.

As for my talents? I would like to say that my trumpet playing abilities would knock your blogger socks off, but I would be lying.

*Thinking...thinking...steam coming from ears...thinking*

I can cook. I like to cook. Yeah that's it...that is my talent!

Here I whipped up a Boiled Dinner just for you and your cardboard cutout friends...Tell me how it is.

At 9:03 AM, November 22, 2005, Blogger SuperSpyGal said...

I can out-run a 3 year old !!..(but I cheat...I load him/her up with juice before the race so the added weight in their diaper gives me the advantage, I don't race the 4 year old because they're potty trained)

At 12:26 PM, November 22, 2005, Blogger Gareth said...

I can bend both of my hands backwards ... um no that wasn't my hands last night at the bar, oops!
I wonder if he's out of hospital yet?

At 12:57 PM, November 22, 2005, Blogger Shannon said...

I am double jointed? Does that count? Ohhh and I can kick my own azz when I walk, hehehe

At 1:18 PM, November 22, 2005, Blogger Clumsy ;) said...

Aha! Finally something I can excel at!

I'm clumsy!

At 1:42 PM, November 22, 2005, Blogger Terri said...

I can shoot straight.
Not your average girlie-gift, I know, but ya gotta take wot ya get, right?

At 2:27 PM, November 22, 2005, Blogger Missuz J said...

Confessions of a former pageant contestant

At 4:10 PM, November 22, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...

rev. billy bob gisher: how about when men stop being idiots, caring only about what women look like and when, how and where they will have sex with them.

So, I guess the answer is we'll never live in that kind of society.

I can't think of any special talents, but I'd like to consider myself a pretty good writer.

At 4:36 PM, November 22, 2005, Blogger ramblin' girl said...

could list all the boring talents like playing the sax, painting, throwing pottery... but think the thing that would take the cake would be my apparent ability to get a completely dead battery and completely flat tire at the same time!

At 6:59 PM, November 22, 2005, Blogger notjoecheese said...

I tried sending you some swimsuit pictures but my computer kept crashing. Must be some kind of virus. As far as talents go, I've got an extensive dvd collection... that's a talent, right?

At 2:59 AM, November 23, 2005, Blogger j2 said...

i am talentless, i guess i lose. can i at least get miss photogenic or miss congeniality or one of those parting titles?

and i don't own a swimsuit so howsabout naked instead?



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