Saturday, December 31, 2005

WHWLTY?

Editors notes: Before I start this thang, I'd like to profusely apologize for not mentioning Ben O.'s job. Ben O. will be in charge of the tofu hot-dog cart outside the Underachiever's Corner Building. (A.K.A. Rundown Rat-infested Shack) Other Responsibilities include Vice President In Charge of Skiing. Manager of the Microwave with the broken door. (He get's to wear a lead suit. No fair!) And of course, he will continue his Feedback Friday/Saturday/Whatever day he damn well pleases. Which is now owned by Undr Corp.

Again, Benny-Ben, my apologies. Now give me two Tofu Hot Dogs and a Wheat Germ Soda! Pronto! Read this guy's blog. He is funny! That's a order!

Now back to my regularly scheduled garbage:

Dear Undies,

2005 is in the crapper. However, we must learn from our past, so we can pretty much screw up the future. So what does this have to do with the price of crack in Chinatown? You got me. Anyways, this week we will do What Have We Learned This Year? It's just like QVC but we don't have the Tae-bo on Ice DVD.

So how, praytell, does this contraption work? Well, I'm glad you asked you curious little monkey. I tell you what I learned this year and you tell me what you learned. Are we on the same page? Good! Gold Star, for you!


Here is what I learned this year.

1. Men Suck. Duh!

2. Wearing Sandals and Socks is a cardinal sin! Punished by years of torment in the white-hot bowels of hell or in Hoboken NJ. Same diff'!

3. Dancing in a Wal-mart Dressing room is wrong

4 Pearls before swine is one of my favoritest comics of all time.

5. That Hurricanes suck construction worker butt!

6. There was no severed finger in that Wendy's Chili although it interestingly still tastes like it.

7. War, huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!

8. Dewey is going to Egypt next year. I am so happy. Now, I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I already told her that it's mandatory to "Walk Like an Egypt-i-an" everywhere she goes. Bangles rule! What are they, like 90?


9. No matter how many letters I write to the CEO, Home Depot will never have lingerie department, ever. Oh you laugh now, but just you wait and see whose laughing when I introduce my new inventions next year. It's the Garter Tool Belt and the Measuring Tape WonderBra with matching Bungee Cord Thong.

10. That Adriana Lima is like the girl next door. If the girl next door was a hot Victoria's Secret Brazilian Supermodel who could probably cure disease with her beautiful eyes. ( By the way, Leesa , when Adriana Lima is not working as a supermodel for Vicky's Secrets she is a goat herder's assistant. You know, to make ends meet.)

11. Coldplay is an awesome band.

12. I hate end of the year lists.

13. These are my top songs of the Year 05:

1. Fix You -Coldplay.

2. Sometimes you can't make it on your own- U2

3. Mr. Brightside-The Killers(Hot Fuss is a great CD!)

4. Somewhere only we know-Keane

5. We belong Together-Mariah Carey. (Sorry)

6. Feel good inc. -Gorrillaz

7. All these things I have done- The Killers (I got soul but I'm not a soldier!)

8. Run -SnowPatrol

9. You and Me - Lifehouse. (yeah I retired it, but after hearing 2.7 billion times it sorta grows on you)

10. Best of you -Foo Fighters

11. Wake Me Up When September Ends-Green Day

12. Photographs- Nickelback

13. Anything Kelly Clarkson (dammit! I hate to admit this. Estrogen levels...too high! Danger Danger!)

14. Gold digger -Kanye West.

15. Dakota-Stereophonics (I.Love.This.Song!)

16. Glósóli -Sigur Ros. (Both Haunting and beautiful.)

17. Brighter than sunshine-Aqualung

18. Collide -Howie Day

19. Let me go -3 Doors Down

20. Landed-Ben Folds

21. Doesn't remind me-Audioslave

22. Sitting Waiting Wishing-Jack Johnson

I'm sure there's more but I can't remember.



aaand... 14 . I love my Undies. (My readers not my undergarments. Although, they are kinda cute.)



Well, my friends, these are a few of the lessons I learned this year. Did you learn anything this year? Let me know, if not make it up!

Love,


Undr


PS I really want to appreciate you stopping by and reading this so-called blog. Don't forget to check out the linky-links, those folks are really talented. Love ya, mean it!


PPS By the way, my beloved dog brownie, asked to go out, for potty purposes, and I saw 12 deer frolicking around my backyard. They didn't seemed alarmed at all by my presence. I just stood there in awe. It's times like these when you can really appreciate life and all that it has to offer. Of course, that's until I grabbed my shotgun...


Just kidding! Have a good weekend! See ya in '06!

Friday, December 30, 2005

More stuff you may or may not want to know about Undrini-poopie-head.

Dear Undies:
I feel that in 2005 I didn't fill out enough of these here surveys or meme's, if you will. I tell you what though, these things are as addicting as chocolate covered meth. Mmmmmm!


I reckon I done stolded this from someone. Since she is on High-A-Tuss I won't say her name. But it does rhyme with xzmcaoiermaxzeaqs, just in case you're wondering.


Anyways, for your nauseating pleasure, I give you this crap:
Questions answered by Undr, Undr, Undr...(echo)
1.) When showering, do you start the water and then get in or start water while your in?

Start the water, do a little naked dance and then get in.


2.) Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottle?

No, I always get soap in my eyes. Johnson and Johnson "No Tears" my foot!

3.) Do you moan in the shower like the people on the herbal essences commercial?

Why? Did you hear me? It's more like post modern yodeling.


4.) Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex?

Yes, until the cops came. Boy, was my face red. Or was that my butt?

5.) Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower?

Never!

6.) Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot?

Oh yeah, it hurts like a mother!

7.) How old do you look?

Like a 30 year old teenager.

8.) How old do you act?

Like a 80 year-old bag lady who has conversations with Stalin and Mr. Rogers. Who, by the way, currently reside in Hell.

9.) Do you sing in the shower?

Yes, singing's easy. Now, Tap dancing in the shower, that's tricky!

10.) Have you recently become a member of anything?

A Tupperware cult.

11.) What are your plans for the weekend?

To make sure it doesn't suck.

12.) Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed?

Closed. The hookers are pretty ugly sometimes.

13) What's your biggest turn-on?

A woman that has a sexy voice. Just like James Earl Jones. *shudder*

14.) Does anything on your body itch right now?

Now that you mention it, my whole body itches....ick! Get 'em off me!

15a.) Who's the sexiest famous woman alive?

Adriana Lima!

*drool* I love her for her mind.

15b.) Who's the sexiest famous MAN alive?

According to People Magazine, it's Matthew McConahgay.


16) Who do you like right now?


She lives in Zimbabwe, you don't know her.

17) Does every family have a crazy uncle or is it just mine?

Yup, crazy runs in my family. Glad I'm the normal one.


18). Have you ever smuggled something into America?

Yes, a fruit and a Canadian, who was kinda fruity.

19). Do you think everything happens for a reason?

Yes.

20). Do you live in a state with a good sports team?

Yes, The Inbred County Cornholers Chess Team!

21). Have you ever finished off the popcorn and eaten the junk from the bottom of the bag?

No.

22). Have you ever had sex in a tent?

No. Never been in a tent.


23). What about at the beach?

Yes. (Note to self: Lotions and sand do not mix. Talk about ceeeement!)

24). Have you ever dated a Goth?

No. Just Sloth from the Goonies.

He has soft hands. Hey you guuuuuys!

25.) Would you kiss the person who posted this?

Yup.

26.) Can you fix your own car?

No, but I can fix a mean margarita.

27.) Should guys wear pink?

Nah, probably just seafoam green.

well that'z about it. Consider this the last one before '06. Have a good rest of the year.

Love,

Undr

PS Stay tuned for WHWLTY? Love ya, mean it!

Double PS with ranch dressing: Thanks, again, for reading this crapola. You sure know how to make a boy smile.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

New Hires and a Tag. Oh yeah, I'm a multi-tasking machine!

Dear Undies,

I hope all is well in your neighborhood. Please remember to feed the bums. My Boxing day wasn't so great. I got knocked out in the first round. Darn that Hobo! She was stronger than she let on.


Umm ok here are some New Hires, not mentioned in the "You're Hired" Post:

grody jo-dee will be the Resident Stylist. Don't Worry about the kids. This organization has an excellent daycare facility. They will be making 300 trinkets an hour with their small nimble hands. No, it is not a sweatshop. It's a Day.Care.Facility!

Shari will be the Underachiever's Corner Supervisor of Sitting and Looking Pretty Affairs.

Jen-nae and Missuzj will be the Education Czars. Cuz I neet to lurn.

Lizzie will be in charge of Squirrel Removal. If she does a good job she will be promoted to Raccoon Eliminator. Damn there little human hands!

No-L will be the Presidential Candidate I will be endorsing in 2008. But in the mean time she could be the Official Museum Curator of the New York Yankees Exhibit down in the Main Lobby.

By the way, SuperSpyGirl and Shannonica, don't worry, I'm not cruel. The spandex and vinyl suits will be totally breathable. It will have a lot of strategically placed air-holes! (I smell a lawsuit. Eeeek!)


Also, it has been brung to my attention that my Vice President Lepre-genghis-khan, Gareth, is planning a violent coup d'etat. Apparently, he hasn't met my BodyGuard Dewey. Whose motto is: "I will break you, maul you, kill you, revive you and then kill you again". Not to mention Terri "I gotta Gun and I ain't afraid to put a cap in your leprechaunish hiney" Terriola and Anika An-ninja who will throw sequins in your eyes and self-defense you to your purple.

Therefore, To my loyal employees; don't worry! I have been collecting dirt on Gareth for years just in case. Thus, if he plans anything funny I will post some compromising pictures of him on this blog. Don't get me wrong, I really don't want to do him like that. But if he wants to play rough, it's ON!

And to show you, that I'm not playing around, the pictures involve Gareth, a drunken gnome, whips, whip cream and a donkey. So Gareth be nice or you're going down. As far as anyone who was planning to join his revolution: I am WATCHING you.

Ahem I apologize...

Now unto more entertaining stuff...



...I was just minding my own business and WHAM! Gunngirl tagged my lily-white behind. So here are the answers to my tag.

Name: Undr A. Chiever Jr. III

Childhood ambition: To be a writer and a Solid Gold Dancer! Soul-Train Dancer wouldve been just as good too.

Fondest childhood memory: Eating cereal in front of the TV on Saturday Mornings with my sister. Also, Falling in love in the first grade to that cute little blonde number. She was foine!

Last thing I bought was: meat from the back of a truck. Wow, that is where I got my speakers too. Talk about conveeenience!

Favorite movie(s): Indiana Jones trilogy, Star Wars, Sabrina, King Kong, Hitch, Spiderman 1 and 2, Bob the Builder 2 The Revenge. "This time the Teletubbies will Pay!"

I wanna be reincarnated into this animal: a single-cell amoeba. They're asexual. Maybe then I'll get some. Oh whoamIkidding. I wouldn't give me some either!

My best Christmas present was: a G.I. Bob. yeah, I got a generic G.I. Joe. Actually, When I was little I got the first Nintendo game system. That was pretty rad!


All I want for Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa or Secretary's Day is: Happiness for all my friends... oooh oooh and a loofah. I love me a sandpaperish loofah!

My headstone will read: Here lies Undr. All in all, I wish this was you. Love ya mean it!



Well, here goes. Now who should I tag? Hmm. You're all tagged. Booyah! I did a massive tag! In your face!

love,

undr

PS Do this or not. Love ya, mean it! Thanks Gunnicula!


PPS Man-Skirts for everyone!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

You're hired! Now, slooowly put the gun down...

Dear Undies,

Last week I interviewed thousands of applicants(7) who wanted to work at the Greatest Place on Earth. Unfortunately, they mistakenly sent their applications to me instead of Stumpy's Horse Manure Facility. Nevertheless, I interviewed some eager applicants who wanted to work here at the Underachiever's Corner and Sweatshop. Our Motto is: "The Sweatshop of hardwork, low wages, extremely long hours and love." Sorta like a Kathy Lee Gifford sweatshop sans the beatings.

Anyways, here are the new employees of the Underachiever's Corner:


1 Cherish. She will be in charge of my Fan Club. She stated; "I am a huge fan of Undr's Corner" and she will prance around in a nursedominatrixmaid ensemble. Which always reminds me of home.

you're Hired!


2 Terri will, of course, be in charge of Security. Now, most people love me but there are a few wackos that might try to egg the two story Colonial style pampers Cardboard Box where I currently reside with a smelly guy named Pewter.

Terri stated; "I can shoot straighter than the egg-hurlers". I feel so protected. And please don't think the Catwoman outfit had anything to do with my decision.

You're Hired!



3 beadinggalinMS. Linda will be in charge of The Culinary Department here at da' Corner. She makes the best Ham and Cheese Surprise. On her spare time she will be making a 4 story wall of beads as a tribute to me. I am so not worthy. Ok maybe a little.

You're Hired!



4 Gareth Will be the Vice President in charge of leprechaun issues. As a matter of fact, I had to hire Gar-man because of Affirmative Action. I need at least 1% of all employees to be leprechauns. The way I see it, I'm fine, as long as I don't have to be alone with him in the company elevator. AAAAWKARD!

You're Hired!

5 notjoecheese will be re-hired. Due to his unwavering devotion,whiney crying and blackmail. He will be my Foreign Affairs Advisor. Notjoe knows 127 Languages including but not limited to Jive, Pig Latin and Swahilijiveturkey, which is Jive in Swahili. Of course, he will also act as a mediator between me and Chuck Norris. Praise be Chuck!

You're Re-Hired!


6 SuperSpyGal Is in charge of the Vinyl and Spandex Division here at the Corner. Um, no we don't make this stuff. She just wears it. It's purely for experimental purposes. So, don't call the lawyers!
You're Hired!

7 Anika.
She will be head of the Secret Service. She has shown her uncanny detective skills and her love of outfits covered in sequins. Thus, she will be like a ninja. A cute sequins wearing ninja! Besides, she will show her undying devotion to me for chocolate, so how can I lose?

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* ...hmm those must be the Hershey's, Godiva and Ghirardelli trucks backing in right about now.

You're hired!


Now here are some new employees who didn't submit an application but are so hired.

Dewey: Will be my financial consultant and trained beater-upper. If anyone messes with me, Dewey will take them out back and beat the tar out of them.

Ramblin Girl: Chief legal counsel. She would help me avoid the lawsuits due to Dewey's bloodlust!

Shipkicker: Official News Correspondent. She will travel abroad and make fun of people and their accents. She will work directly with NotJoe.

Glitterglamgirl: She is in charge of my wardrobe. I wish I didn't have to wear Stirrup pants, penny loafers and an oversize shirt all the stinkin time, though! You rock!

Shannon will be SuperSpyGirl's Assistant/Drinking buddy.

Gunngirl will be my head technical writer. She will write funny captions under my many doodles.

j2 Will be my official Artist. I will have nude self portraits all over the facility. You know, to encourage the troops.

HDDiva will be my official chef. Making sure that Linda isn't poisoning my ham and cheese surprise. She gets to wear a funny chef's hat and a "Kiss the Cook" apron.

Ashleypoo is the official Sommelier. Which is better than the title I was going to use: Wine Wench.

Sadie and Tanya Kristine will be the Poopie Brigade. Don't make a stink about it!(ha ha I made a funny) Their job is to randomly say the word "Poop" or "Poopie" throughout the day just to make me smile.


Stellastoria will be the Official Gay Chihuahua Chaperone. She has a gay chihuahua too! They're finally coming out.

Edit 12/28/05
grody jo-dee said...
baby evan and i will be the resident stylists. as long as you don't smell like spit-up or poo, you pass. also applying will be georgia, the resident 3-yr-old star wars expert.

Your're hired

and to all my friends, you're hired too!

love,

undr


PS Remember, with a little shameless flirting and/or death threats, you too can be a member of the Underachiever's Corner. Let me know if you want a particular job. If not, go ahead a be a bum, see if I care. Just kidding! Love ya, mean it you bum!

Double PS with a side of toast: Thanks for participating in WHWLTW? Have a good day! Umm where are my presents?

Saturday, December 24, 2005

WHWLTW? Holiday edition.


Dear Undies:

What in Tarnation? Is it time for another WHWLTW? Yup! Time flies when you're up poopie creek with no paddle. For those of you who don't know what WHWLTW? is or you have the attention span of a gnat, it stands for What Have We Learned This Week?

How does it work? Well, gnat person, it's quite simple. I tell you what I learned and if you are so kind, you tell me what you learned this past week.

This is the piece of knowledge lodge in my medulla oblongata:


1. I learned this week that toilet paper can be used for clothing and not just as a butt wiping mechanism. Look at this.


2. That my family is probably the reason that by 35 I'll have a peptic ulcer the size of India with the nerves of an 75 year-old chain smoking, pill popping, gin in my first cup of coffee drinking, air traffic controller.




3. The true Story of Rick the Fly Raviloli monster. You see rick was doomed to extinction by the evil Chef Boyardee, who apparently isn't really a chef. Just a fat guy who runs the streets of Italy in a chef's hat. Anyways, Rick the Ravioli escaped the tyranny of the Chef became a monster and acquired the ability to fly. And so that is why on Dec. 25 we hold our Chef Boyardee Ravioli Cans in our left hands and say "Happy Flying Ravioli MonsterDay!" This story was confirmed by an eye witness Meaty the Meatball, who later started Meatmas.(Hi Ashley! Borschenhopper!) Here is a sample of a Meatmas song:

We wish you a merry Meatmas
We wish you a merry Meatmas
We wish you a merry Meatmas
and a happy blue cheese.


4. That New York Transit Workers were on Strike. Increasing the need for Cosmic Teletransporters. I'm on it! (I just need the strike to last a few days. Let me check the news... um.. nevermind)


5. That during an ice storm you can clean your whole body with baby wipes. Of course, um, I didn't need too, because I had running water. But it was comforting to know that in the event that I had no water, Baby Wipes were there. (No, I don't have kids, somebody in 1982 left some baby wipes at my house and everywhere I go, I take them. Yeah, there a Leeeeeeeettle dry.)


6. That it's wrong to say a normal festive greeting. Hey if I wanna say "Have a happy Flying Ravioli Monster day", I will! The Pilgrims didn't give their lives in the Civil War so some namby pamby anti-greeting coalition could suppress my...um excuse me, phone.


...umm yeah that was National Security. So have a nice Sunday!


7. That I truly appreciate all my bloggity blog friends. You guys are swell. Thanks for reading this crap and making it better with your comments. I lub you all. Yeah, even you Gareth.


Well, these are the lessons o' the week. Let me know what you learned. If not make it up!



By the way, I know most of you are going to have a hangover until about May, so I will prepare you for next week's assignment. WHWLTW? will be WHWLTY? That's What Have We Learned This Year? So put your thinking caps on. NOOO not Drinking Caps I said Thinking! Thinking! Oh you guys!


Love,



Undr




Quote of the Week:

[X is for x-rays you've had:]

Arm, wrist, shoulder, foot, leg, knee, hand, finger, buttocks...oh wait, that was a Xerox! Credit Supery Spy-y Girly.
She's the Funniest thing since that Webster Episode when Webster was Short!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Complaint department: Open

Dear Undies,

With the Holidays approaching most people are in the mood to gripe and complain. That's why in the spirit of the season, I decided to re-open the Underachiever's Corner Complaint Department of Complaints and Complaining Complainers. This entitles you to complain about what ever it is that rubs you the wrong way. Unless you're with Johnny Gill and then he will rub you the right way. Anyways, what do you want to complain about? Maybe you want to complain about your brazilian wax lady's cold hands. I dunno, whatever you want to gripe about is fine by me. I get paid the same.

Well this is what I want to complain about:

1. The brilliant people at FOX have decided to put Prison Break on Hiatus until March. Where else am I gonna get my fill of jail cells and the occasional sodomy?

Fox you suxs!

2. I can't stand how cold it is when I get up in the morning. Damn you stoopid igloo!

3. I hate icestorms!

4. I wish that the holidays didn't bring out the worst in some people.

5. I hate it when you get an itch on your left butt-cheek and you're in a crowded area, with surveillance cameras. And it itches so bad you want to rub sandpaper on your butt or at least latch on to a runaway camel and let him drag you across the desert. The itching is so bad. Not that this has happened to me. I'm just saying is all.



well that's all I got how about you? Let me know if not I will SO complain about you!

love,

undr


PS Thanks for reading this crap! Love ya, mean it!


PPS By the way, if you're not in a complaining mood, then compliment something or someone. Still love ya, still mean it!

pppppS: Just in case you're wondering, I am reviewing you interview questions from yesterday's post and I will give you my decision on Monday. If you haven't done so, apply already.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Job interview.

Dear Undrinis:

As you know, I have been needing an assistant here at the Underachiever's Corner. Someone professional to read my hate mail and to give their home address to protect me from the drive-by eggings and T.P.-ing. Therefore I have decided to interview you. The candidate(s) I choose will have the privilege of working under me. By under I mean on the lower bunk, because I always get the top bunk. (I've always wanted a Bunk bed!)

My previous Sexy assistant has recently been fired because I just realized "she" was a guy. (Note to self: NotJoeCheese is not short for Not Joanna Cheese.) He will remain as a highly paid consultant and he will ocasionally dance for me. Sorta like a monkey but in no way offensive to said monkey.

So, here are my interview questions. fill 'em out. Even if you would never work for me or you have a sexual harassment suit against me at this time. Just play along already! Sheesh.


1. Tell me about yourself?

2. Why should we hire you?

3. Why do you want to work here?

4. What are your weaknesses?:

5. What did you dislike about your last job?

6. Where do you see yourself in five years?

7. What outfits will you prance around in?(Very important question.)

8. Will you show undying devotion to Undr? (No is usually the answer here. I understand)

So there you have it. Answer these questions and I will pretty much just hire you. I. AM. SUCH. A. PUSHOVER!


Love,


Undr

PS Benefits and Wages: All the White-out you want* and a 100,000 a Year#. Love ya, mean it!




*Limited to one White out per family. So make it last.
# Mexican Pesos, that is. Which is roughly 2 bucks. Which in canada is 10 cents.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

ABC's of Undr

Editors notes: I profusely apologize for Ovr's behaviour. I hope he didn't hurt anyone's feelings. Just so you know, I beat him with a wet Genoa salami so he never hurts anyone again. Although, that's never stopped him before.
Thanks for you lovely comments. Love ya. I raaaally do!


Dear Undies,
I stole this from j2's erotic hamster stories blog. Ok she doesn't have an erotic hamster stories blog, but don't you think someone should? Anyways, this is undr's ABC, so next time wont you sing with me.

Here it goes:


[A is for age:]

30

[B is for booze of choice:]

Bacardi Rum

[C is for career]

Certified Idiot with a PHD in Stupidity.

[D is for your dog's name:]

Browngay-O


[E is for essential items you use everyday:]

Computer, and socks. Gotta have socks.

[F is for favorite song at the moment:]

"Run" Snowpatrol

[G is for favorite games:]

Strip Old Maid or Naked Monopoly or Semi-nude Chutes and Ladders

[H is for hometown:]

Clarkesville, GA (Motto: "Where your dad is your uncle")

[I is for instruments you play:]

I play a mean Kazoo and Air Harmonica and Air Ukelele

***edit*** me dont know my ABD's

[J is for jam or jelly you like:]

Toe jam and Ear Jelly. Favorite dressing: Hiney Mustard.


[K is for kids?:]

One in every state. I sponsor underprivileged rich kids.

[L is for last kiss?:]

Today. I drew lips on the back of my hand and I went at it.

[M is for mom's job:]

Psychologically Torturing me.

[N is for name of your crush:]

All my bloggie girly-girls and NotJoeCheese too.(he get's soooo jealous)

[O is for overnight hospital stays:]

When I was born I stayed over for a few days. Until the doctors realized my enormous head was not an anomaly. It was just gonna stay that way.

[P is for phobias:]

Possibly my fear of heights and being in an elevator with Dizzy Gillespie. His overinflated cheeks scare the crap out of me.

[Q is for quotes you like:]

"Don't eat the yellow snow" -Author unknown

[R is for biggest regret:]

Many.

[S is for sex:]

Yes. Please form a single line ladies. There's enough of undr to go around. And by that I mean I'm fat. 10 million pounds and groooowing!

[T is for time you wake up:]

6:30am eastern time. In california that is considered "Too damn early Time"

[U is for underwear:]

Tiger striped. Ooops I meant to say Tigger.


[V is for vegetable you love:]

None. I eat them because my mommy says I have to. Wait, Corn! That's it, Corn!

[W is for worst habit:]

Not looking at people in the eye when I speak to them. I'm usually checking out for boobage. Just kidding. Too shy I guess.

[X is for x-rays you've had:]

2 for kidney stones.

[Y is for yummy food you make:]

Ham and Cheese Sandwich Surprise. (the surprise is the honey mustard)

[Z is for zodiac sign:]

Cancer, but I don't believe in that crap. I only believe in the Bazooka Joe Fortunes and the voices in my head. (Yes, Voicey, I am good enough and strong enough and dammit people like me. Oh yeah, and one day they WILL pay)


This is it. Now try it yourself. If not I will sit in the corner and hold my breath until I get tired and then I will breathe.

love,

Undr


PS Do it on your blog or in the comments section. Don't worry you'll get paid the same. Love ya, mean it!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Have you seen this boy?

Dear Ovries,

Hello my name is Ovr A. Chiever, and I am Undr's long lost evil twin brother in his head. Most of you, the Undies, have been worried about Undr's whereabouts. He told me he received Thousands of E-mails.(Actually, just one. The Subject heading was: "Penis Enlargement without chains and a sledgehammer"....um I didn't think that was possible, maybe he should look into it. Not me. I am Ovr-endowed.) Anyways, here are some of the rumors that have been floating around like corn in a toilet bowl.

1. Undr joined a cult where they smear their bodies with peanut butter and roll around in Cherrios.

2. Undr decided to become a member of the Blue Man group. (Nickname: Blue balls)

3. Undr has decided to make a spinoff of Riverdance and call it Puddlegroove.

4. Undr has become a nun. A rockin' nun.

5. Undr had an illicit affair with the Queen of England fathering a new heir to the Throne.

6. Undr was the victim of a wicked ice storm where the only power line in his town was brought down by fallen trees. Resulting in no power or phone for some days. He ran outside and cursed the ice storm countless times but it just seemed to get colder. He waited and waited by a non-functioning computer typing countless unreadable posts. Most of which consisted of the phrase "icestorms reek of suckitude!" and "Where is my mommy?" At one point he ran outside barefoot and concluded that his "feetsies were really cold." Therefore, He just went into his room and snuggled with his favorite Beanie Baby, "Wee Todd the Angry Albino Bull Frog" and went into hibernation.

7. Or maybe just 1 thru 5.


Well, Undr wishes to thank his friends and allies and yes even his enemies for sending their love, their hatred, and even their laundry.

hate,

Ovr


PS He will return. So keep your shirt on. Hate ya, mean it!


PPS By the way if you learned something last week he would sure love to read about it. WHWLTW? lives forever!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

My house in the middle of the skreet!

Dear Undies:

Cherish "Cherishy" Cherisheimer-hyphen-cherisola has graciously allowed me to steal this from her. Actually, I had tied her up before I asked her, but oddly enough she didn't seem to mind. (Just kidding, I just stole it. Love ya Cherishy!)

Anyways, this is a drawing of my dream house. As you can tell it is very practical. It has it's own pull-thingy. For when I am running from the law or Killer Care Bears.

And see the beautiful cotton candy-like plants in the garden? It is sooo purty! Now, just in case you're wondering, that is a true to life self portrait of me. Except of course, I didn't draw my love handles. Also, Brownie "Gay-ey McGaydog" is under me looking gay and peeing on my semi-comatose body. Everybody say it together; "awwww! Gaaaag!

Doesn't this make you feel like home? Or at least makes you feel the way you do when you put a wet Q-tip in your ear? Ewww!

Interestingly enough, as I drew this picture, I was being psychoanalyzed(Emphasis on Psycho). Therefore after you see the picture and right before you run to your clergyman to rid you of the nightmares that are sure to come from this, you can read my evaluation.

Here it goes:









This is what my evaluation said:


Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:
You are sensitive and indecisive at times. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You are shy and reserved. If you've drawn a cross on each of windows, you always want to live alone. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You are self-confident and happy with your life.



umm if you need me I will be in the fetal position sucking on my big toe.

love,

undr(it is somewhat true)

PS if you would like to draw this picture feel free to click on the post title. Love ya, mean it!

PPS I also accept other drawings, you cute lil' artist you.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

meme's rule!

Dear Undies:

Howyoudoin? I'm ok here at fat camp. Anyways, this is another meme. It's a 2 things meme. Here are my answers. At the end, if you are still here and you haven't pulled out all you hair or teeth, please feel free to do it on your blog. If not, well then poo on you! just kidding.


Here it goes:


2 names you go by
1. Undr
2. Undi

2 parts of your heritage
1. 5o% Hispanic, african american, asian, scandinavian, irish, scottish, nigerian, redneck.
2. 75% Sheep

2 things that scare you
1. Being alone
2. Being alone with huge roaches and spiders

2 of your everyday essentials
1. Peanutbutter smelling flowers
2. Soap

2 things you are wearing right now
1. Jeans
2. My little pony slippers

2 of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment)
1. Coldplay
2. Foo Fighters


2 of your favorite songs (at the moment)
1. Run -Snow Patrol
2. Keane-Can't Stop now


2 things you want in a relationship (other than real love)
1. Fake Love
2. Patience (you know, the Gun's n Roses' classic love song)


2 truths
1. I joke around too much. If only I were funny....
2. My dog is gay. (He wears cut-off jean shorts and a I heart Harvey Firestein tank top)

2 physical things that appeal to you (in the opposite sex)
1. Eyes
2. Smile

2 of your favorite hobbies
1. Writing
2. Riverdancing to rap music


2 things you want really badly
1. Stupid I-pod
2. For all my bloggy friends to be happy!

2 places you want to go on vacation
1. The Galapagos Islands
2.Italy


2 things you want to do before you die
1. learn to play a gee-tar.
2. kill all the raccoons.

2 ways that you are stereotypically a dude
1. I do extreme crochet.
2. I love sports. Like the National Horse shoe nail throwing competition.

2 things you are thinking about now
1. Love is a battlefield
2. My good friend from lilburn.

2 stores you shop at
1. Stumpys Food mart and Taxidermist
2. Ingles(I wish there was a Publix here.)

2 people i would like to see take this quiz
1. You
2. You


Well it's over you can open your eyes now.

Love,

Undr

PS Thanks for your comments, questions, tongue-lashings and the occasional "howdooooyoudo?" Love ya mean it!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

It's time to stand up!

Dear Undies,

If there's one thing I learned from the Reverend Billy Bob "Gishy" Gisher is that you have to stand up for your rights and not just to party. Now, you know, that this blog is not political, informative or even entertaining. However, once in a while I feel like I have to stand up for the little people and get out of their way because they give me the creeps.

Anyhow, has anyone noticed the increase in prices for normal everyday items that make it necessary for our society to function?

Who makes the decision to up the prices astronomically and expect us to bend over and take it?

Who is going to put a stop to this obvious disregard for humanity?

Who put the proverbial Bop in the Bop shoo bop shoo bop?

I wish I had an answer to these and many other questions, but unfortunately, I don't. Mainly because I have a black and white television whose only functioning channel is QVC. (Wow, the GroinMaster is on sale!)


Well dear reader, it's time we took a stand against the big corporations! First, by going into
Wal-Mart and purchasing the nicest "Taking a Stand Against the Big Corporations" Flannel ensemble by Kathy Lee Gifford. And then, yelling to the big corporations; "Hey! Stop that!"

You're probably wondering why good ol' Undr is bringing this up with Secretary's Day being so close and all. The reason is because I know what I stands and I can't stands no more!

Unless you've been living under a rock, which is probably rent controlled, you would know what I am talking about. Apparently the powers that be have decided to screw the consumer and increase the prices on the Wendy's 99 cent Value Menu! To quote a very famous statesman Larry the Cable Guy; "What the hell is this, Russia?"

I am appalled! Don't get me wrong I usually don't eat at Wendy's, on account of their food tastes like feet smothered in butt. That's why I try to support our local burger joint; The Gaping Lard Hole Restaurant and Bait Shop of Gumlog, GA. However, sometimes I find myself in Wendy's taking advantage of their reasonable prices for artery clogging food. That's when I realized that some of the items were $1.29! A. Buck. Twenty. Friggin. Nine! WTF!(What the Fart!?)

Oh they try to compensate by adding "new" items on the menu: like the Fix and Mix Frosty. Which is less the two thirds the amount of Frosty with a bunch of rejected M&M's. Who the hell wants to pay $1.29 for a little bit of Frosty and 2 cents worth of retarded M&M's?

Ok I do. It's actually quite good.

Either way, you see why I am so irked by this.

So the question is: "What can we do, Undr?" Don't worry I'll tell you. You must write to your local politicians, clergy men and possibly to your elementary school cafeteria lady who looks awful lot like a man.

Here is a sample of my letter to the President of the US of A:

Dear Mr. Reagan,

Tear Down that Wall of high prices for semi-edible food! Gosh Durn it!.




You see, it's pretty easy. Just take your pen, pencil or crayon and write to your public officials immediately. If you think it will help, write to your favorite Religious Mascot. Like, Santa Claus, Hannukah Harry, Kwanzaa Ken, Muslim Morty, Buddy the Buddhist, Willy the Wacky Wiccan, and Rick the Flying Ravioli Monster. Any little bit helps.

Thank you.

Love,



Undr

PS: Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me either. Please stop by and say hello! Love ya, mean it!

Monday, December 12, 2005

Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep my little baby!

Dear undies,

Did you have a good weekend? Mine wasn't too bad. Although, yesterday I realized why Brownie may be a little light in the loafers. I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed I(a 575lbs. petite man) was spooning with Brownie(a 4lbs gorilla chihuahua). Yeah, I know it ain't right. Speaking of odd bedroom habits, here is a little quizzy-quiz for Monday. It's sorta like deep thoughts but different.




What Your Sleeping Position Says


You have a passion for everything - including sleeping.

Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well.

You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to hog the covers.

You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations.



What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?




Well, it's almost true. I am a cover hog. Well, at least that's what Brownie tells me. But, I am not outgoing and brash. Just ask my Biker gang friends, they'll tell you. Then they'll beat you up. Have a good day, my friends. Take the test and let me know. If not, I'll find out anyways. Hmph!
love,
Undr
PS Thanks for your contributions to WHWLTW? We're 10 million strong and grooowing! Love ya, mean it!

Friday, December 09, 2005

WHWLTW? This is a long one, you may have to ask for a few days off.


This weeks WHWLTW? is sponsored by the ASPCA so please spay and neuter your gold fish and then feed it to your pot bellied pig. Thank you.



Now back to our regularly scheduled program.



"What Have We Learned This Week?" is an ongoing segment here at the Underachiever’s Corner Slaughterhouse and Tanning Salon. You may be wondering how this works, well, Tater I’ll tell ya.

I tell you what I learned and if you like, you tell me what you learned. Any Questions? No? Good!


This is what I learned this week:

1. It's been really cold here on my side of town and I learned that my long-johns don't work.(These are Thermal underwears if you didn't know, which is mandatory attire in Canada From November to the Second Tuesday in July.) Well, they didn't work until...

2. ...I learned that you, actually, have to wear pants over your long-johns. No wonder people were staring at me. (I especially like the convenient crotch pocket. I keep my checkbook and my marshmallows there!)

3. Grapefruits can disguise themselves like mandarin oranges. Great detective work Anika! uhh I mean special agent Double-O-Ani!


4. This post made me cry. Thanks Shari. (That's where I got Tater from)

5. I am an acquired taste. Sorta like escargot, grits and a toilet brush.

Seriously, Sadie is one of my good bloggity-blog friends and by that I mean she won't let me near her children. Anyways, I was surprised she gave this dumpy ol' blog a shout-out.

This is what she said: "This is Underachiever's blog. This is probably an aquired taste. In fact, I'm quite sure of it. This author reminds me SOOO much of a friend I had in highschool. These posts sound like me and my friend's sense of humor back-in-the-day, except with better substance and smarter. I love the way the posts are like mini journal entries or letters to his fans. It's a good dose of humor, pop culture and poop."

So, first off, I would like to thank her profusely for the shout-out, I definitely don't deserve her kindness. Secondly, I would like to show her my appreciation by singing a song I wrote for her while sitting on the toilet. (lid closed, sicko!)

here it goes:

ahem...me, me, meeeee!



Sa-die, Sa-die

Sa-die, Sa-die

Sa-die, Sadie,

Saaaay-haaaay-deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(x375 times)

(Kazoo solo)


(Air ukelele solo)


Sa-die, Sa-die

SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY-HEEEEEEEEEY-DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

cha-cha-cha

Athankyo! And thanks again to you Sadielicious, you da' man in a feminine way!

6. And lastly, I learned that there is evidence that the larger the testicles the smaller the brain and miami vice-versa. This explains a lot! (Thanks Terri, for the laughs and the insecurities.)


Well, my fellow Blogolians, this is what I learned this week. What did you learn? Let me know if not make it up. Even if you've learned nuthin', just stop by and say hello! I'll be here in the corner with my very large brain.


Love,

Undr(wee-todd-did)

PS Thanks for reading my nonsense. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Please be safe and don't forget to read up on the linky-links. They are so much better than this. Love ya, mean it!



Comment of the week: Comes from ramblin' girl.

"those pesky little whatifs...

whatif the pain never goes away?
whatif no boy ever comes to stay?
whatif I'm supposed to make the call?
whatif tomorrow the axe does fall?
whatif I'm wrong and he is right?
whatif I can't get some sleep tonight?"

Quote of the week: "I love penguins. They are sooo cute." Credit Linda Beading gal and Hurricane Katrina Beater upper.

****EDIT****12/10/05 12:23am


Chuck Norris Post of the Week: The Chuck Norris Biography by NotJoeCheese. (This boy ain't right.)

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Southern Horoscope. It's like Ms Cleo with a southern drawl.

Dear Undies:

Yee haw! Someone sent me this in an email. It's a southern Horoscopish thingy. What is your sign?


WHAT'S YOUR SOUTHERN SIGN?

Us Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people
that read them. If you are to ever fully understand all the star signs
and the people they represent, we need symbols that all true
Southerners understand:

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Are tough on the outside but tender on the
inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back
over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. You can
do something good each day if you try.

CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A
Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated
and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful, they
may surprise you. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with
Catfish and Okra.

BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 -! March 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity.
You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need
to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are
very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. You love to
stay busy and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is going
to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20) You're the type that spends a lot of
time on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of
Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry
anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be
easy. You always have a big smile and are happy. This might be the
year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM (April 21 - May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties,
possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a
don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. S! ometimes you become so withdrawn,
people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not
psychologically healthy but seems to work for you! You are a rare
breed. Most folks love to watch you work and play. You're a night person
and mind your own business.

CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in
an office, you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the
beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub
to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive
physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards have a genius for communication.
They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence
with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social
workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life
goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just! won't work.
Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of
the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones.
You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You run fast. You work
and play hard. Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear
surface of life, you are liked by most. Above all else, Catfish should
stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like
yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other
Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about
joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy,
bacon, butter, or eggs and a good time. If you can go somewhere where
they have all these things, that serves you well. You are pure in heart.

BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to
h! elp your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your
friends and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and
their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much
softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody
you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the
road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop
for you.

BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party
because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter
Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel
at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody.
However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough
exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good
evening for you? Old frie! nds, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and
insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's
fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today.
You're almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You
probably want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possum is another
somewhat kinky mating possibilities


umm I live in the south and I don't even understand some of this stuff. So just play along. This post will go away shortly. By the way, I am a Collard. Which is a green, which is still my new favorite color!

love,

Undr

PS Thanks for your comments. Love ya mean it!

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Which pearls character are you?

(you may have to click on the cartoon to see it better Ray Charles!)



Dear Undies:
I am a big fan of Pearls before swine. The cartoon, not so much the jewelry or the pigs. Anyways, I wanted to know which character are you? Here are the descriptions:



Rat


Arrogant, self-centered, fatalistic, philosophical and quick-tempered, Rat is obsessed with fame, immortality and making a quick buck. Spends his time with Pig because it makes him feel superior and, more importantly, no one else will hang out with him.



Pig


Humble (in fact, painfully aware of his limitations), practical, kind and a little slow in the head, Pig has few aspirations in life, other than to spend his days watching TV and doing almost nothing productive. Apparently sees something redeeming in Rat, as he is willing to endure Rat's endless barbs and numerous schemes. Kicked out of the Society of Cultured Pigs because he was caught eating a BLT.



Zebra

Just trying to stay alive. In a world filled with lions, tigers and crocodiles, this is not an easy task.


Goat

The smart one. Would rather spend his time with his snout in a book than talking to any of the other odd characters in this strip.

The Fraternity of Crocodiles


Proud members of Zeeba Zeeba Eata, a fraternity dedicated to the destruction of Zebra and other prey, the crocodiles are Zebra’s next-door neighbors. Stupid, slow and barely articulate, these particular crocodiles are a disgrace to their species.



You know I am so pig. who are you? Let me know, if not go to your room with no supper!
Love,


Undr



PS Thanks for your comments, evil eyes and wet willies! Love ya, mean it!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Whatif...Deep thoughts

Dear Undies:
It seems like years since I last wrote you. It's Monday and you know what that means. No, it does not mean it's time to have a naked potato sack race. It means its time for another Deep Thoughts. Last week's question was What is your relationship deal breaker?" I was impressed with all of your answers. And by impressed I mean aroused.


Anyways, my relationship deal breaker is simple. I can't be with someone who is selfish and arrogant. That's it. Oh yeah, and I am not keen on being stabbed, at least not on weekdays.


But that's just me.


This weeks question has to do with this Shel Silverstein poem. Read on.


Whatif

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
Some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
And pranced and partied all night long
And sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow taller?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems swell, and then
The nighttime Whatifs strike again!

- Shel Silverstein
So, this weeks deep probe into your thoughts is What do you worry about? Yeah, what are the "Whatif's that crawl into your ear?" Let me know, if not make it up!

love,
Undr


PS Thanks for your participation in WHWLTW? I will be sending you a life-size poster of Brownie violating Toughy. It just ain't right. Love ya, mean it!


Double PS with 30 candles: You know that over the weekend, our friend from Down Under (Ireland) Gareth turned 30. I know y'all want to send him gifts. But as his self proclaimed gift checker, please forward all gifts to me and I will make sure he gets all of them. He wants an Xbox 360 and tons of cash. Of course, I will keep the cool stuff and I'll just send him my holey socks. Thanks!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

WHWLTW? The learning never stops, just like the horrible itching.

Dear Undies,

Another weekend is upon us and two questions come to mind; What Have We Learned this week? and, Are you my mommy?

That's right, goofy goobers, it's time for the world famous but locally owned, WHWLTW?

It has become a tradition here at the Underachiever's Corner Bar and Adult Bookstore.

Sure, it isn't anything like the UN but then again, what is?

The way it works is easy. I tell you what I learned and then you tell me. Any simpler, we'd have to draw pictures.

Anyways, here is what I learned this week:

1. That when you have a bad day, you really have a bad day. (I stepped in two, count them, two steaming piles of dog love in one day. Yup, the same day that it rained and I forgot my favorite green raincoat. I was hating life.)

2. That when you're basting a turkey, it is not appropriate to say; "I AM A MASTER BASTER, it just doesn't sound right. Next week, I'll be baiting a hook. (think about it)

3. That I am adorable. I had no idea. Thanks Cardboard Cut-out Dewey!

4. I was a runner up in Youssef, Not Queso's Brag-a-thon, which is an honor, a privilege, and for that moment I knew I was special. Just like the Special Olympics! Thanks Josephus!

5. A bidet is not a water fountain. Who knew?

6. And That my dog is gay. Yes, my friends dog Brownie McBrowniepapadapolous-Sanchez is a "Gay Homosexual"!

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against homosexuality in animals. Hey, I love Gerbils as much as the next guy. Not to mention Sponge Bob Squarepants. But, it was the way I found out that bothers me. I got home after a long day at work, only to find, Brownie humping my visiting sister's male dog. Now, I'm sure they didn't actually consummate the relationship but the fact that Brownie was riding Toughy(gayest dog name if I ever heard one) like a 25 cent drugstore horsey is really troubling. I should have seen the signs. Brownie loves to watch Bravo. He loves his show tunes and he want's to be in the Off Broadway Production of Brokeback Mountain. Not to mention his "I heart Richard Simmons" Poster. How could I have been so blind!?


Well this is what I learned this week. What about you? Let me know, if not make it up.


Love,

Undr


PS Have a good weekend. Stay Warm, Stay Cool, Stay in School! Love ya, mean it!


Quote of the Week: "and now I have to sit with people I don't know, including two guys who are hungrily eyeing the women in the room like low-hanging fruit." Credit Dewey!

Quote of the Week Runner up! "Ahhhhh it's just not Christmas until you've been dry humped by a blow up Santa on your neighbors front lawn.... " Credit Super Spy Gal!

Leprechaun post of the Week: This one. Credit Gareth.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Bad Mood!

Dear Undies,

I was in a bad mood today! I don't know why! It was just one of those days. So what does undr do when he is ornery? He speaks in third person. Also, he represses his anger until the vein on his oversized forehead is throbbing. It's like his own personal Neon Sign of repressed bad moodiness.

Anyways, my question is what gets you in a bad mood? Yeah, What irks the fool out of you?

You know the type of bad mood, that makes you want to punch a baby seal. Or the kind of bad mood that makes you want to take that butter knife and hack at your beanie babies. (Die Bongo the monkey, Die!) Or even the type of mood that makes you write stupid nonsensical posts while you poke yourself with an elongated paperclip. uhh or is that just me?

So, let me know what triggers that nasty bad mood in you or just say hello and cheer me up. Thanks for you for being excellent athletic supporters!

undr

PS: Stay tuned for WHWLTW? No, it isn't any good, but stay tuned anyways. Love ya, mean it!

Double PS with a ornery side of hmph!: Thanks for your comments and your occasional tongue lashing. You guys are the bestest! Don't forget to check out the linky links section. It's like having a bunch of Chia Pets.


Triple PS: here are lyrics to one of my favorite bad mood songs:

Garbage

Only Happy When It Rains



I'm only happy when it rains
I'm only happy when it's complicated
And though I know you can't appreciate it
I'm only happy when it rains

You know I love it when the news is bad
And why it feels so good to feel so sad
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me

I'm only happy when it rains
I feel good when things are going wrong
I only listen to the sad, sad songs
I'm only happy when it rains

I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains

You'll get the message by the time I'm through
When I complain about me and you
I'm only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down (Pour your misery down)
Pour your misery down on me (Pour your misery down)


You can keep me company
As long as you don't care

I'm only happy when it rains
You wanna hear about my new obsession?
I'm riding high upon a deep depression
I'm only happy when it rains (Pour some misery down on me)x4

Loves ya!

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Oh thit. I have a lithp. I need thomethings!

Dear Undies:


I stole this from my friend Anika and when I say "friend" I mean mentor and financial consultant. She "borrowed" it from Gareth who is so far the blogger with the most references to leprechauns this week. By the way Gar you were born at 9:31pm. That's my guess. I better be right! If not I will hit ye wit my shalalee!


Anyways this is what I need.


Undr needs...

... a DLL guru.(huh?)

... a new pair of shorts. ( But I love my Hulk speedo)

... information on writing partners. ( Howdy pardners!)

... a bone marrow transplant. (that sucks!)

...sex education. (I stand corrected, that sucks!)

... a speech coach. (Oh thit I have a lithp)

... to sing. ("The hills are alive with the sound of Undr!")

... to run (run undr run!)

... to support Run for the Lord (Don't I ever)

... no special equipment modifications. (umm you see, it's all me!)

...worldwide web control. (umm whatev!)

... a more accurate diary. (What you've been reading my diary? But it has the two cent lock!)

... no more training. (It's true. I am totally house broken)

...Camera phone report. (Yeah! Hurry up with that!)

... Homework assignment for next week. (Yeah! Hurry up with that!)

... to find shelter. (Right after Sex Ed. I promise!)

...your help.

... you.


Well this is what i need. What about you? Just type "your name* needs"and google it. Then let me know what you need. If not make it up.

love,

undr(needy)

PS thanks for your crying lists and to those of you who denied me the pleasure of knowing what makes you cry, I will see you after class! GRRRR! Love ya, mean it!


*Not "your name"! Your actual name goofball!

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