Tuesday, December 27, 2005

You're hired! Now, slooowly put the gun down...

Dear Undies,

Last week I interviewed thousands of applicants(7) who wanted to work at the Greatest Place on Earth. Unfortunately, they mistakenly sent their applications to me instead of Stumpy's Horse Manure Facility. Nevertheless, I interviewed some eager applicants who wanted to work here at the Underachiever's Corner and Sweatshop. Our Motto is: "The Sweatshop of hardwork, low wages, extremely long hours and love." Sorta like a Kathy Lee Gifford sweatshop sans the beatings.

Anyways, here are the new employees of the Underachiever's Corner:

1 Cherish. She will be in charge of my Fan Club. She stated; "I am a huge fan of Undr's Corner" and she will prance around in a nursedominatrixmaid ensemble. Which always reminds me of home.

you're Hired!

2 Terri will, of course, be in charge of Security. Now, most people love me but there are a few wackos that might try to egg the two story Colonial style pampers Cardboard Box where I currently reside with a smelly guy named Pewter.

Terri stated; "I can shoot straighter than the egg-hurlers". I feel so protected. And please don't think the Catwoman outfit had anything to do with my decision.

You're Hired!

3 beadinggalinMS. Linda will be in charge of The Culinary Department here at da' Corner. She makes the best Ham and Cheese Surprise. On her spare time she will be making a 4 story wall of beads as a tribute to me. I am so not worthy. Ok maybe a little.

You're Hired!

4 Gareth Will be the Vice President in charge of leprechaun issues. As a matter of fact, I had to hire Gar-man because of Affirmative Action. I need at least 1% of all employees to be leprechauns. The way I see it, I'm fine, as long as I don't have to be alone with him in the company elevator. AAAAWKARD!

You're Hired!

5 notjoecheese will be re-hired. Due to his unwavering devotion,whiney crying and blackmail. He will be my Foreign Affairs Advisor. Notjoe knows 127 Languages including but not limited to Jive, Pig Latin and Swahilijiveturkey, which is Jive in Swahili. Of course, he will also act as a mediator between me and Chuck Norris. Praise be Chuck!

You're Re-Hired!

6 SuperSpyGal Is in charge of the Vinyl and Spandex Division here at the Corner. Um, no we don't make this stuff. She just wears it. It's purely for experimental purposes. So, don't call the lawyers!
You're Hired!

7 Anika.
She will be head of the Secret Service. She has shown her uncanny detective skills and her love of outfits covered in sequins. Thus, she will be like a ninja. A cute sequins wearing ninja! Besides, she will show her undying devotion to me for chocolate, so how can I lose?

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep* ...hmm those must be the Hershey's, Godiva and Ghirardelli trucks backing in right about now.

You're hired!

Now here are some new employees who didn't submit an application but are so hired.

Dewey: Will be my financial consultant and trained beater-upper. If anyone messes with me, Dewey will take them out back and beat the tar out of them.

Ramblin Girl: Chief legal counsel. She would help me avoid the lawsuits due to Dewey's bloodlust!

Shipkicker: Official News Correspondent. She will travel abroad and make fun of people and their accents. She will work directly with NotJoe.

Glitterglamgirl: She is in charge of my wardrobe. I wish I didn't have to wear Stirrup pants, penny loafers and an oversize shirt all the stinkin time, though! You rock!

Shannon will be SuperSpyGirl's Assistant/Drinking buddy.

Gunngirl will be my head technical writer. She will write funny captions under my many doodles.

j2 Will be my official Artist. I will have nude self portraits all over the facility. You know, to encourage the troops.

HDDiva will be my official chef. Making sure that Linda isn't poisoning my ham and cheese surprise. She gets to wear a funny chef's hat and a "Kiss the Cook" apron.

Ashleypoo is the official Sommelier. Which is better than the title I was going to use: Wine Wench.

Sadie and Tanya Kristine will be the Poopie Brigade. Don't make a stink about it!(ha ha I made a funny) Their job is to randomly say the word "Poop" or "Poopie" throughout the day just to make me smile.

Stellastoria will be the Official Gay Chihuahua Chaperone. She has a gay chihuahua too! They're finally coming out.

Edit 12/28/05
grody jo-dee said...
baby evan and i will be the resident stylists. as long as you don't smell like spit-up or poo, you pass. also applying will be georgia, the resident 3-yr-old star wars expert.

Your're hired

and to all my friends, you're hired too!



PS Remember, with a little shameless flirting and/or death threats, you too can be a member of the Underachiever's Corner. Let me know if you want a particular job. If not, go ahead a be a bum, see if I care. Just kidding! Love ya, mean it you bum!

Double PS with a side of toast: Thanks for participating in WHWLTW? Have a good day! Umm where are my presents?


At 11:40 PM, December 27, 2005, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

baby evan and i will be the resident stylists. as long as you don't smell like spit-up or poo, you pass. also applying will be georgia, the resident 3-yr-old star wars expert.

At 7:33 AM, December 28, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Morning Underoo! I will be happy to accept the position of being in charge of the culinary department. I am going to make you a special ham and cheese surprise sandwich this morning. minus the poison of course LOL :) Then I will get started right away on my tribute to you. Yell at me if you need anymore culinary delights! Lindy-Lin

At 10:10 AM, December 28, 2005, Blogger cherish said...

Thank you Undr wooo hooo I like this nurseydominatrix uniform. Send all fan letters to me!!

At 10:29 AM, December 28, 2005, Blogger Gareth said...

Woot I made VP! Now all I have to do is buy a gun and shoot Undr, then I will make myself El Presidente muahahahaha :-P
I will take charge of all leprechaun issues on a multi-national basis. I might need a glamourous assistant though, may I suggest Anika for this veryyyyy important role?!

At 11:23 AM, December 28, 2005, Blogger Shari said...

Can I be hired to just sit around and look pretty? I think I'd be good at that....at least the sit around part!

At 12:13 PM, December 28, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hhhmmm...I think that Linda and I should start sweet talking Gareth, as rumor has it, he may be taking over the company ;D

Please make sure that there is an arrow on my apron pointing to Linda, as she will be the COOK being kissed. I, afterall, am the CHEF dammit! ;P

At 12:23 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Diva you have a good point we need to sweet talk Gareth. I heard the rumor too. He wants to be in charge and he is taking Underoo down! :P

You are the Chef! I could never ever fill your shoes! My only specialty is ham and cheese surprise.

Oh yeah must you always search me for poison? I explained it all before the rat poison was just an accident. I really didnt mean to poison Undr. I am truely sorry and it will never happen again! Although Cherish did look really good in her nurses outfit ;)

At 1:33 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger gunngirl said...



Hmm, head technical writer. The deadlines! it's high stress thinking up one-liners. Can I get a pen with one those of pink poofs on the end? and I wanna work near the kitchen so that I sneak snacks from Diva. ;)

Also, vinyl and spandex division? LMAO!

At 1:38 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger Shannon said...

Well Undie.. you are lucky Spy and Myself are thin gals... Spandex is a right not a priveledge!! N ow let me get this straight.. all I have to do is wear spandex and drink? Wow I hope I don't sweat to death.. liquor makes you sweat! *Not that I would know or anything, Hiccup*..

Hey Gareth.. How you doinnnnnn? =)~

At 2:01 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger anika said...

Thank you Undr! I have always wanted to be in the KGB or some secret service ... This is the best day of my life.

At 3:10 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger ramblin' girl said...

I've always wanted to be chief something...

At 3:31 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger Tanya Kristine said...

HEY! i'm good at poopie things...

i love poopie.

have a poopie new years!!!

At 3:56 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger Gareth said...

Beading is the surprise that there is no ham and cheese in it lol.

At 4:56 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Gareth-ssshhh before Undr hears you. It has stuff that resembles ham and cheese. but don't say a word I don't want to get fired on my first day and I almost got my tribute finished. :) LOL

At 9:40 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger SuperSpyGal said...

I shall wear my vinyl with honor and do you proud Mr. Undr....just please get rid of the leather furniture and keep the heat down as vinyl and leather and heat are a terrible combination and heat rash is no fun..
oh, and keep the mini-bar stocked, it's the only way Shan and I will work to full potential ;)

At 9:56 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger dewey said...

OF COURSE you hired me without my application. You knew there was nobody who could do the job as effectively. Plus, if you hadn't hired me, I'd totally kick your ass. I'm diplomatic like that.

At 9:59 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger dewey said...

Oh, and Gareth... You can try, but I'll take you out before you finish the thought. Anika is a Canuck, so she will stick by her people and the Chief Beater Upper.

At 10:56 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger Sadie Lou said...

I will be sure to put poop to good use. You shouldn't be too lose with poo or it loses it's pooness. Not a lot of people know that.

At 11:31 PM, December 28, 2005, Blogger notjoecheese said...

My first act as Foreign Affairs Advisor will be to smooth our relations with the good people of Norrislav, the former USSR state which is now under the rule of the Almighty Chuck. The Official News Correspondent and I will travel there to mock them and their accents, thereby ensuring good will between us and this nation of Norris trained ninjas.

Also, around the office I promise to wear that kilt you requested. However, since I haven't any scottish ancestors, I will ask everyone to call it a "man skirt."


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