Tuesday, January 10, 2006

He-Man...By the power of Brokeback Mountain!


editors note: My New York Giants got creamed! However, I was happy to see the Steelers won. Anyways, I hope everyone's weekend was great. Thank you for helping me out with WHWLTW? Dewey gets extra credit this week for doing WHWLTW at her blog. 75 points for Deweylicious! Eh what the heck we'll make it a hundred!

ok now let's get wacky!


Dear Undies:


I received thousands of emails, hundreds of letter bombs and 375 Post-It-Notes, because I wrote last week that He-Man is gay. Now, I know this is a touchy subject. Possibly even a gropey one. The point is, some of you don’t like the idea that He-Man is gay. I figure it’s because you always wanted, deep in your heart, for She-Ra and He-Man to get married. Sort of like you wanted Donnie and Marie Osmond to get it on. But let me tell you, it just ain't gonna happen. Maybe Donnie and Marie,*crosses finger*. Besides, She-Ra is happy coaching a girl’s softball team, aptly named the Westchester Wenches, with her “friends” Xena Warrior Princess and Chastity “Butchy” Bono. But I digress.

He-Man himself wasn’t too thrilled with me “outing” him. That is why he came to my house on Sunday right after his church of Scientology meeting. Needless to say He was pretty upset.

It’s a good thing I always have a court reporter on staff to record my conversations.

Here is a transcript of my Meeting with He-Man.


Undr: Hey, He-Man. Nice Metal Chest Plate. Are those short-shorts wooly mammoth or sabre-tooth tiger?

He-Man: I am going to KILL you.

Undr: Ha-ha but you’re in Action Figure form. What are you like 9 inches tall?

This is the part when He-Man proceeds to smack me upside the head with the court reporter (97 year-old Marjorie) and her mini-typewriter. I was amazed at the strength he had. Not to mention his Kung-Fu grip.

After I regained consciousness, He made his famous He-Man-garitas and Chicken Frittatas and we chatted up a storm. Apparently, he and Skeletor were an item once. They purchased a small Castle named Gray Skull. They had dreams of making it a quaint Bed and Breakfast. However, their dreams began to crumble when Skeletor became so distant and grumpy. Then he gave the “I need some space and by the way I never liked your wooly daisy dukes and your stupid haircut” speech.

As He-Man is telling me this, we were both crying and knee deep in a vat of cookie dough flavored cookie dough watching the Lifetime Network’s 2 days of Estrogen-laden Movies Movie Marathon. (The best movie was the one where the husband was all bad and stuff. Yeah I know, that narrows it down...)

So, there you have it. The real reason Skeletor and He-Man are mortal enemies. It’s simply a lover’s quarrel. You add a dispute over a house,which Skeletor didn’t give one red cent for, and a guy named Beastman and you know there’s gonna be some drama for your Mama, maybe even for your Papa, your Opa and Your Oma.


Umm I also have my doubts about Ram-man.

Yeah, his name gives him away.



Love,

Undr

PS: Here is a picture of NO-l's favorite Master's of the Universe Character: Orko. (Also, gay.)

Love ya, mean it!

PPS: If you'd like to take a trip down Grayskull lane this is a cool site.


PPPS: Umm yeah, I started writing this at 4am on a Pixie sticks high. sorry. Still love ya, still mean it!

21 Comments:

At 7:46 AM, January 10, 2006, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Dear Underoo I am only telling you this cause you know I just got to. Put down the pixie sticks, and turn off the Lifetime Movie channel. That channel will ROTT your brain. Plus it costs a fortune in kleenexs if you continue to watch it. Anyways I am putting away my fantasy of me and He-Man. I will safely tuck them in a box and shove it in the closet. I am glad you cleared up the whole He-Man thing with Skeletor. The cartoon makes sense now. mucho smooches Lindy-Lin

 
At 10:48 AM, January 10, 2006, Blogger cherish said...

Okay Undr you have totally ruined He Man for me. I mean Keith and Jake yummy gay man, I would watch them get it on anytime anywhere, but He Man and Skeletor that is just disgusting.

Goes over to the corner, gets into the fetal position clenching my He Man action doll mumbling in coherently!

 
At 10:58 AM, January 10, 2006, Blogger Shannon said...

It's a sad, sad Day!! What ever happened to glitter? Wasn't she she-rah's partner in crime? No-one ever talks about her! I liked her, she was groovy! lol.. You have the best interviews.. =)

 
At 12:14 PM, January 10, 2006, Blogger SuperSpyGal said...

Maybe He-Man has a gay dog for your dog???.... :-P

BTW, I noticed on my link that my name was in ALL lowercase...Did I do something to offend you??...Was I downgraded or downsized??..What does one do to get upgraded to a capital letter???...Is there a waiting period to get a raise??.. I try my hardest to be the best darn worker you have *sigh*

:)

 
At 2:00 PM, January 10, 2006, Blogger Terri said...

LOL! You are seriously disturbed, dude!

 
At 2:10 PM, January 10, 2006, Blogger Shannon said...

Hehehe my "S" is in caps.. neener, neener Spy, muahahahahaha, *I love this evil laugh*... I guess some of us bend over more often in our spandex pants huh? ~~Gotta run, Undie dropped his pen again!

 
At 5:13 PM, January 10, 2006, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

i guess they can be the next ambiguously gay duo....i personally never liked he-man, but my husband is crushed about she-ra.

 
At 5:57 PM, January 10, 2006, Blogger SuperSpyGal said...

Oh yayyyyyyyyyyy I see my name is in ALL caps now....well Shannon?...I guess some of us (ME)do more than just bend over....*winkin at Undr*....was it good for you too???

;)

 
At 6:18 PM, January 10, 2006, Blogger gunngirl said...

Who the heck were those names at that site? I've never heard of them.

Oh,and He-Man was SO gay. Not that I was ever that big of a fan. I'm sure somewhere during the centuries long battle between He-Man and Skeletor these words were said:

He-Man: "Skeletor! By the Power of Gray Skull, I wish I knew how to quit you!"

 
At 6:34 PM, January 10, 2006, Blogger notjoecheese said...

Actually, Ram-man wasn't gay but suffered from low self-esteem and just wanted to fit in. However, Man-at-arms could usually be found with his arms-around-man.


PS. The sorceress was bi.

 
At 6:45 PM, January 10, 2006, Blogger Shannon said...

Well, Well, Well... what do we have here?? All I know is I better be getting a raise aswell or I am going to the Better Bussiness Bureau, yeah you heard me right!!

Undie~ I hope you started working out, you will be picking up your own pens from now on Mr.! All that friction for nothing, you should be ashamed of yourself!! *evil look*

*Flips hair* And Spy?? I heard he only used you to remove the dust bunnies from his desk... sad isin't it? Muahahahaha

 
At 7:38 PM, January 10, 2006, Blogger SuperSpyGal said...

HEY !!!...I'm not above being used for sex as long as I get upgraded...how do you think I fly first class all the time??... :-P

Not only did we rid the desk of dust bunnies but it has a new shine to it also.....I even think I saw my reflection in it....5 TIMES if I'm correct !!

hehehehehehehe :)

 
At 11:57 PM, January 10, 2006, Blogger SuperSpyGal said...

Awwww...thank you Chauncy...I mean, Undr !!

P.S. We'll discuss why I'm 4 links BELOW Shannon at a later date...I don't want to push my luck...
hehe

 
At 12:45 AM, January 11, 2006, Blogger Shannon said...

Bahahahaha you will never get my spot on the blog roll Missy Ann!! Never!! I am 16th from the bottom and I will stay there until someone is added!! I am taking a stand.. where is my stake, I am staking this chit!! =)

P.S. That's why you bumped uglies with the Janitor, I bet you wished you would have kept the lights on now huh? Teehee!

 
At 7:26 AM, January 11, 2006, Blogger SuperSpyGal said...

Well you just wait one second young lady...this is my blog and I'll do whatever I..... oh....ummmmm....ooops

NEVERMIND !!

 
At 10:08 AM, January 11, 2006, Blogger High Desert Diva said...

Real women don't watch He-Man.

YOU BETTER WATCH WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT MY DONNIE & MARIE THOUGH!!! ;P

 
At 12:33 PM, January 11, 2006, Blogger Shannon said...

Hehehehehe my name is in caps... pssssssst THANKS UNDIE!! *SMOOCHES*

 
At 12:43 PM, January 11, 2006, Blogger Acecold said...

Did you see the photoshop contest on fark yesterday? lolzers!!!!

 
At 12:56 PM, January 11, 2006, Blogger Gareth said...

LOLOL you are one twisted individual :-)

 
At 4:31 PM, January 11, 2006, Blogger Sadie Lou said...

This wins as the best post yet. That sounds like the beginning of a Strawberry Shortcake sing-along song! Best Post Yet, the best post yet--you'll never forGET the Best Post Yet!

word verification:bulmrj
bul-mr-j

not to be confused with I'm sorry Miss Jackson, this song is titled Bull Mr. J as in, you're full of you know what, Michael!

 
At 10:45 PM, January 12, 2006, Blogger No-L said...

Thanks,

I love the pic!!!

No-L (I always loved his quirky magic)

 

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