Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Feed me!

Dear Undies:

I hope everyone's weekend was fun and exciting. Or the at the very least less than sucky. Mine was great!

The highlight, of course, was my blogoversary, which I was going to celebrate by playing Strip-Chutes and Ladders in a dark room with no windows while listening to the always happy music of the Cure. And no lonely anniversary party would be complete without crying in the fetal position for 2 hours while sucking on my big toe.

To my surprise, however, lots of people showed up to the party. Of course, most of them just stopped by to either ask for directions to the "Girls Gone Wild North Georgia: Redneck Skank Edition" being taped in my town or to ask, "Who the hell is Unger?" *sigh*

Anyways, the reason I'm writing incoherently is that I'm hungry. As you very well know, I am not very good in the kitchen. The last time I tried to cook, I started the California Brush fires. Sooory!

That's why, I'm asking you, my beloved Undies, to make me something to eat. So, let me know what special gourmet dish you can make while your Blood Alcohol Level is a whopping 4.0 and you wear your favorite grease-stained "Kiss the Cook" apron and multi-colored hairnet.

It could be any kind of food or food-like substance. Like, Semi-cooked Chicken Livers and Frosted Flakes or Hairball Soup Surprise or the very tasty Anchovy-Flavored Custard or if you're Linda anything with Crab in it! Whatever it is, make it quick, cuz I'ma hongree!

So, what are you cooking for Undr?

Let me know. Please hurry! My gay Chihuahua Brownie is starting to look scrumptious...and not just because he's wearing his butt-less chaps and his ten ounce cowboy hat.


Undr(Owner of Brokeback Brownie)

PS Thanks again for showing me some love. Love ya, mean it!

Sunday, February 26, 2006

WHWLTW? First Blogoversary Edition

Dear Undies:

For those of you who by accident hit the Next Blog button while reading the Nude Ostrich Wrestling Blog, I apologize. However, while you're here you may be wondering what in the Helsinki is WHWLTW? I will tell you, you freak. It stands for What Have We Learned This Week. It's an ongoing study of the reproductive organs of the semi-albino tree frog...no wait that's not it. Actually, it's a weekly thing we do here at "Da' Conah!" (Thanks Governor Schwarzenegger!)

It works this way: I tell you what I learned and then you do the same.


O-Tay Let me get started.

This Week I learned...

1. Martha Stewart and Donald Trump are having a little bit of a legal tussle. Does anyone care? Anyone? Bueller?Hello?

2. The beloved big purple McDonald's mascot, Grimace, is a taste bud. Wha-huh? I can't buhlieve it! I figured he was the end result of eating McDonalds on a regular basis. You know, purple poop. I guess I was wrong. (Thanks Janie of Planie Janie Fame)

3. That I am not worthy of a First Anniversary Tribute.(Thanks Lindy-Lin and crew!)

Yup, it is my One Year Blogoversary. That's right! One whole year of nonsense. Needless to say, I am having a good time and I've met some cool people. I'd like to say thanks for stopping by and reading this crapola. If this blog has been a success, I have you, the undies, to thank. If this blog sucks, that's totally on me. So if you'd like to participate in the festivities or just wanted get poop-faced drunk in a imaginary internet way, get crackin' and go over to Linda's Blog. If you wanted to get drunk fo' real then I'd start with Nyquil. It's the nighttime-sniffling-sneezing-coughing-aching-stuffy head-drunk fest starter-upper so you can rest medicine. Or so I hear.

This is what I learned this week. How about you? Let me know, if not make it up!




Double PS with a side o' fries: Purple Poop, I could have sworn.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Music Meme

Dear Undies:

I would like to introduce Samirah. She is a student/photographer of birds/rock and roll diva/professional procratinator and all around nice gal. I stole this from her. Maybe you'd like to try it. That way you're all accessories to the crime and then we can all go down... to-ge-ther! hahahahahaha!

So here is me stealing a meme from Sammi-Sam. Enjoy...or not.

Rules and Regulations:

Step 1)Choose a band or singer
Step 2) Answer the questions using only song titles
Step 3) Post
Step 4) Lather Rinse Repeat and do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around...

Artist: Dashboard Confessional

Describe yourself: This ruined puzzle

How do some people feel about you: So Impossible

How do you feel about yourself: Again I go unnoticed

Describe what you want to be: Vindicated

Describe your current mood: Living in your letters

Describe your friends: So beautiful

Share a few words of wisdom: If you can't leave it be, might as well make it bleed

There you have it. Let me be honest and say that I originally wanted to use William Hung but my current mood can not be describe by the song "She Bangs." It just can't!



PS Thanks for playing along. Love ya, mean it!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

But I thought I was a dark evil soul.

Dear Undies,

I saw this quiz at the Diva of the High Desert's Blog. She let me borrow on one condition, that I advertise her World Famous Pet Fish Rock which happens to be on eBay. So here is my commercial for the Pet Fish Rock.

Mother: Timmy? Why are you so sad?

Timmy: Mom, I have no purpose in my life. If only I would have a Pet that doesn't poop and that I could use as a weapon. Oh yeah, and please don't send me to the Sylvan Learning Center, anymore! It's a sweat shop, you know.

Mother: Well, Timmy, I was saving this for Hanukkah but...

Timmy: Wow, I can't believe it! It's the Official Unadulterated Non-Fake Pet Fish Rock. I love it. Now I will bash that bully at school who keeps giving me Purple nurples.

Mother: Oh no you won't mister! You have to eat lunch first.

Timmy: Aww Mom. Ooookay.

Mother and Timmy just laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

Announcer: That's right! You too can be an ashamed owner of the Pet Fish Rock and be the first weird kid on your block to own a rock that's shaped like a fish, that's shaped like a rock.

So please, please buy this Pet Fish Rock.

I said...

Ahem... Once again; The Pet Fish Rock!

totally taken without written consent of Major League Baseball and HDD. Sorry Divy.

*Disclaimer* Not to be used in conjunction with the Pet Koala Wooden Stake or the Pet Snake Barbwire or the Pet Monkey Bag O' Glass. May cause bloating, excessive urinary discomfort and oily discharge. As with any Pet Fish Rock, please consult a doctor. Especially, in the event that you swallow the Pet Fish Rock.

Anyways, here is the quiz. Personally I thought I had no soul.

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can.

Which is so not true. Unless you say it is.

War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace.

Well almost anything. I would never wear a beret to keep the peace. I would just look stupid and that's enough for me to start a war. Remember, Grenada?

You are a good mediator and a true negotiator.

Yes you should have seen me in the last major debate we had in our neighborhood. One Kid was saying that the Bratz could totally beat up Barbie and the other kid was like Whatever. And I said Shut up, Rainbow Brite could bust 'em all up.

Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy.
True. I.AM. A. TOTE LUSE! (Thanks Ani!)

While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental.

Not really. However, those culottes are so not flattering on her. It makes her thighs look ginormous. Peace!

You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take.

I guess this is true.

On the flip side, you've got a great sense of humor and wit.

Not true. Have you read this blog. Sheesh!

You're always diplomatic and able to give good advice.

This is true, I always tell people " for the love of Mike don't rub salt in your eyes." Great Advice indeed.

Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

because they can all beat me up. Except for Visionary Soul...I can take 'em.

What Kind of Soul Are You?

If you'd like to take the quiz go for it. If you buy the Pet Fish Rock then you will be helping humanity and preventing the death of baby Pandas and bums. No pressure. No pressure at all.



PS If the Diva gets upset for my unsolicited advertising, I'm gonna say you made me do it. Love ya, mean it!

Double PS with a can of Whoopass: Dewey, my long time friend is taking a Trip to Egypt in a few days. Please make sure you wave goodbye and wish her a nice trip. If you do, she promises to bring a Sand Globe for everyone. Get it? Sand Glo...Oh Forget it!
Love ya Dewey! Have a safe trip. Don't eat the yellow sand!

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


Dear Undies,

I loved watching the Muppet Show when I was a kid. I'll even go as far as admiting I even loved the Muppet babies. Now Fraggle Rock, that was creepy. Just kidding I loved those weirdos too.

Anyways, if you'd like, take the quiz and let me know which muppet is more like you. If not, at least tell me who is your favorite homemade sock puppet. Mine is Sembembo. He is my Sock Puppet Monkey/Agent/Mentor/Friend.


Undr (A.K.A. Scooter!)

You Are Scooter

Brainy and knowledgable, you are the perfect sidekick.
You're always willing to lend a helping hand.
In any big event or party, you're the one who keeps things going.
"15 seconds to showtime!"

The Muppet Personality Test
PS: Love ya, mean it! Sebembo does too!

Monday, February 20, 2006

This makes my eyes hurt

Dear Undies:

I hope everyone had a great weekend. I had a wonderful one involving drugs parties and lotsa and lotsa alcohol...ok I stayed at home and watched the Olympics. Sheesh! By the way Thanks for playing WHWLTW and for stopping by despite my nonsense! You guys are just swell.

Anyways, I stole this from Tina a.k.a. Tini.* She has a cool blog and let me tell you, I know cool. Look at my Tommy Bahama shirt, matching knee-hi socks and my sandals. I am SO gangsta.



PS If you'd like a word cloud click here and if you'd like a tattoo of your favorite gym teacher on the bottom of your foot...then you're pretty much on your own on that one. Love ya, mean it.

* I've seen this word cloud on other blogs too, like Cherishy, Anika, and a bunch of udders. Wow these are really small letters!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

WHWLTW You thought it would go away? Shame on you!

Dear Undies:

This week's WHWLTW is a direct result of mixing Gummy worms with Alcohol. It just ain't right. For the newbies who don't know much about the Underachiever's Corner, WHWLTW is an acronym for What Have We Learned This Week. It's like the WNBA but not as weird.

If you'd like to participate the rules are as follows:

I tell you what I learned this week and you tell me what you've learned.

Therefore, let me tell you what I learned this week.

I learned...

1. ...Dewey is 21 for the tenth year in a row sometime this month. Which means she is allowed to drink alcohol in the United States...again. Hooray! Of course, in Canada the drinking age is two weeks before you're actually born. So if you don't mind stop by and visit one of Canada's treasures, her name is Dewey.

[This is where her picture would be if I had permission to use it. Sure I probably could have just stolen it, but I kinda value my life. Besides most of her pictures are pasted on my Blog Stalking Collage Wall down in my basement as is yours.]

2. ...Thanks to Shari I have found another great website that's awesome, but that I have no time to look at. It's the Found Magazine site. I hope they find my love letter to Leif Garret before he gets it. Why? Because he is such a druggy and I don't happen to like men. At. All. Well, maybe after a few drinks...and dinner definitely dinner.

3. ...that if I had to put 6 things in a time capsule it would be this: (For Gunny)

1) I-pod

2) Coldplay CD's

3) Lotsa Candy i.e. Now and Later's; Jolly Ranchers, Riesens, Sugar Daddies...

4) A copy of Shel Silverstein's book, Where the Sidewalk Ends.

5) My journal.

6) A list of all the people that I love and that make me smile.

Most of these things are useless to future generations, but because I want my head frozen until they find a cure for what killed me, I may need these things later.

4. This song makes me want to dance or something like it, "A Praise Chorus" by Jimmy Eat World. Crimson and Clover, over and over.... Grody jo-dee loves this song too. Just like she loved her famous Cheddar Cheese and Ice cream in Pickle juice Soup while she was pregnant. Mmm mmm good!

5. Rolling Stone Magazine announced that Chris Martin from Coldplay was voted the Music World's Ugliest man. To which I say, what about Melissa Etheridge? Now that's an ugly guy, if I ever saw one.

BTW Fantasia was voted the Ugliest Woman. To which I say...wait...no she is ugly...carry on.

I believe that's all I learned. How about you, if not make it up.



PS Thanks for stopping by and reading this malarky. By the way Tini, it was true. Love ya, mean it!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Love is in the air or is that catfish?

Dear Undies:

There was a lot of love in the air yesterday. I don't really know why.

Consequently, all this love, a particular song and eating a Oreo I found in my glove compartment made me remember one my true brushes with love and that eating an Oreo from my glove compartment is probably not a good idear. (Is the white stuff supposed to be bubbling like that?)

Anyways, I was listening to a song by James Blunt. It's a song called "You're Beautiful" . The cliff notes explanation of this song is; It's about a woman the singer shared a "look" with, only to realize that he will never be with her. It's actually a nice little tune. On the sappy-sap meter it measures a 10.2. Which is pretty darn sappy, if you ask me. (Did you know that James Blunt's sister just married a guy? Her new name is Janie Blunt-Forcetrauma. It's kinda catchy)

Ok so I had one of those "moments" once. It was some years ago, back when I was an aspiring lederhosen-wearing hand model. Actually, I was working in the Orlando International Airport. Whose motto is "At least we're not the Gateway to Hell. That would be Miami"

Once in a while, I would take my lunch break in one of the premier exotic gourmet restaurants located inside the terminal. This particular one was named "Chili's" Of course, being the adventurer that I am I decided to take the road less traveled and try something other than that stupid "Half a Turkey Club and Salad". Thus, resulting in my decision to eat the fried catfish. Unfortunately the fried catfish tasted...hmm how do you say? Oh yeah, like crap! DIS. GUS.TING! I don't know if it was that particular day or what, but that fish was not right. The thing tasted like a wet rag that had been under a washing machine for three weeks. It was gross! But, I digress, my apologies.

So, I was sitting alone, wishing that I had a tongue scraper, when I noticed a beautiful girl sitting right across me. She was unbelievably beautiful. You know that type of beautiful that people write about in poems and songs. Just to briefly describe her, she had these big blue eyes and long flowing black hair. But it was that smile that got me. It was a smile that angels envied.

Anyways, despite her beauty, and my lack of descriptive words, there was something odd about her. She wouldn't stop staring at me. That's right every time I looked up from my catfish hell plate, I'd see her looking at me and smiling no less. Truth be told I was surprised. Mainly because I am not Tall, Dark or Handsome. I'm more like Short, Pale and Gruesome.

Either way it didn't really matter because there was no way I would go and talk to her. I am shy to some extent and besides, she was surrounded by friends and that made this situation all the more awkward. It's one thing to crash and burn, but to crash and burn in front of a live studio audience, no freakin' way.

Yet, she wouldn't stop looking at me.

I figured, she must like a man in an airline uniform or I have something grotesque yet oddly fascinating growing out of my ear. Either way, I had to make my move. Unfortunately back then I didn't exactly have a "move" per se but I was going to go for it, regardless. There was no turning back.

As I mustered up the courage to go and talk to her, I saw her friends starting to leave. Crap! I had to do something.. I mean, I'm was in an airport for Pete's sake. "This maybe the last time I see this woman. It was now or never!" I thought to myself.

My mind was racing a mile-a-minute and when most of her party was making their way out, I decided I had to, at the very least, get a phone number, email, ring size...

So, I nervously approached her. Then I saw her reaching under the table. I slowed down because I didn't want to startle her and at the same token I wanted to be a good distance away in the event she was getting pepper spray from her purse.

As she reached under the table I had a few seconds to think things through and I had a brief epiphany. I knew what I had to do. I even had a vision. A vision of my future with this woman, having kids, growing old and celebrating our 50th Anniversary. Ok it was a stalker-ish vision, but give a guy a break!

Needless to say I could not let this opportunity pass. She could be the one, for all I knew.

But all these dreams came to a screeching halt when I saw two things that crushed my soul.

One, her marriage ring and two, her seeing eye dog.


I think I would have preferred the pepper spray.

You can understand why I was a little disappointed. Sort of like the time I found out most the songs from "Wham" were written about a dude. (Wake me up before you Go-Go indeed!)

It's no wonder I blocked this out of my mind. Sorry you had to re-live it and with sucky storytelling no less.



PS: Epilogue: the funny thing about this story is that as she passed by my table she asked her husband; "Ewww! What's that smell?"

Darn you, Catfish! Darn you to heck!

Double PS with Tartar Sauce: Love ya, mean it!

Monday, February 13, 2006

Questions revisited.

Dear Undies,

I know I answered these questions just two posts ago, but Gunngirl threatened me with a severe eye-poking if I didn't answer them truthfully. Apparently, she doesn't believe David Hasselhoff could sing the blues. Sheesh.. Unbeliever!

Anyways, here is a truthful poke at these questions.

Name a CD you own that you think no-one else on your friendslist does :

Dashboard Confessional MTV2 Unplugged. (I think you had to be prepubescent to buy this CD. Which is ok because I'm kinda short and I resemble an an underdeveloped 12 year old girl. So, itzallgood!)

2. Name a book you own that you think no one else on your friendslist does:

One flew over the cuckoo's nest. (I know most of you might have the movie, but I have the book)

3. Name a movie you own on DVD/VHS/whatever that you think no-one else on your friendslist does:

Jane Fonda Work Out. (I don't know how it got into my video collection. I use it as a coaster when guests come over.)

4. Name a place that you have visited that you think no-one else on your friendslist has:

Baños, Ecuador. It's a small town at the base of a volcano. It's pretty cool.

5. Name a piece of technology or any sort of tool you own that you think no-one else on your friendslist has:

"Iludium pu-36 explosive space modulator" Oh wait that's Marvin the Martian.

My bad.

I am so gonna get my eye poked for this one. Sorry Gunny!



PS Have you ever wondered what would happen if Canadians Ruled the World? Check this out via I got news for you.

Double PS with chocolate and roses:

make your own here.

Triple PS: For those of you who would like some mood music for V-day here is a great CD. It's called Shari's Parabola of Pain. It's just like Undr's Melanoma of Melancholy Mix Tape but different. Have a good one!

Sunday, February 12, 2006

WHWLTW...yes, another one.

Dear Undies:

This week's WHWLTW is a little late. But it's here nonetheless and as always I will dissapoint.

So what is WHWLTW? WHWLTW is part of this blog just like that weird looking birthmark on my butt is a part of me. WHWLTW stands for What Have We Learned This Week. I really don’t know what my birthmark stands for except that it resembles Oprah Winfrey back in her “Ugly Days”, you know, last week.

If you’d like to play along, it works this way: I tell you what I learned and then you tell me. It’s like, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”. Except you won’t laugh after I show you mine… or maybe you will.

Anyways, this week I learned…

1. Britney Spears is a heaping pile of maternal love.

2. It’s sunny and beautiful here in my neck of the ‘hood and 20 miles away there is a butt load of snow. Poo!

3. No matter what they tell you, fried chicken livers are not tasty.

4. Vice President Cheney shot someone. Apparently it was a dispute which kinda went like this:

VP Cheney: "Taste Great!"

Dude who would eventually get shot: "Less Filling!"

and the rest as they say is history... or a cover up.

5. And finally I learned that I have nothing to say about this picture. It just makes me laugh.

So this is what I learned this week. I know, it's not enough for a scholarship to Shloopies Barber College, but hey, there's always next year. What did you learn? Let me know, if not make it up.



PS I hope everyone had a great weekend. Love ya, mean it!

Friday, February 10, 2006

I got your Schedule Outage, RIGHT HERE!

Dear Undies,

Being a Bloggity-blogulicious blogger that I am, I normally get tagged up the wazoo. Therefore here is another Me-me of Undrific proportions.

(I wish I remembered who I'm thief-ing this from but I've been taking expired Midols as part of my "Be sensitive in 2006 or I will beat the living tar out of you" campaign. If I stole this from you, please let me know. In which case I will get a lawyer and sue you for harassment and looking at me funny.)

Anyways, please read on and for the love of Mike, stop picking your nose! Ok, maybe just this one time.

Name a CD you own that you think no-one else on your friendslist does:

I'll give you four, cuz I am so gangsta in a non-threatening way.

1. Kool Mo Dee and the Vienna Boy's Choir sing Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits Vol. 1.
2. Learn to Speak French with a Canadian Accent(It's an educational musical)
3. Bathing for Dummies feat.the voice of James Earl Jones after sucking on Helium balloons.
4. David Hasselhoff/Adrian Zmed's sing the White boy blues. (Track 1: I stained my Izod shirt while sipping on Zima, cuz I got the blues.)

2. Name a book you own that you think no one else on your friendslist does:

Chicken Soup for the Anal Retentive Soul on Crack.

3. Name a movie you own on DVD/VHS/whatever that you think no-one else on your friendslist does:

A never-before-seen Shirley Temple movie.

Here is an excerpt of the Movie Trailer:

Announcer: "In a world where candy canes and lollipops bring smiles to children, there is one child whose fighting back... Shirley Temple stars in 'You Know Where You Can Stick That Lollipop, Bucko!' "

Coming soon to a theatre near a massage parlor, near a farmer's market, near a Dollar store near you.

4. Name a place that you have visited that you think no-one else on your friendslist has:

Constanza, Dominican Republic and the People's Republic of Hoboken NJ. (Motto: Yeah, yeah, we know it smells! Up YOURS!)

5. Name a piece of technology or any sort of tool you own that you think no-one else on your friendslist has:

A number 2 pencil that looks like it's made out of rubber when I hold it in my fingers and move it up and down. OOH look at the rubbery pencil! It's sooo freaky!

Well, my little spicy Chimichangas, I am official not it no mo'. And that is fo' sho'.



PS If you would like to answer these questions please feel free to do so. Or if you just wanna sit there and look pretty, well I ain't gonna stop ya. Love ya, mean it!

PPS Receiving a Lifetime Achievement Award will not cause the universe to implode. If I got a lifetime Achievement Award, the only known consequences are that there would be a perpetual smell of burning hair and that Telemundo would be broadcast in English:

Esmeralda: I love you Pepe!

Pepe: I love YOU Esmeralda! Umm...Are those Chimichangas on the Grill?...

So you see, No biggie! Still love ya, still mean it!

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Poopie days are here again.

Dear Undies,

Today is one of those poopie days. I'm bummed because I didn't win one stinkin' Grammy...again. This will be the 29th year in a row that I am neither nominated or even acknowledged by the Academy or is it by the Hairless Grammy Gnomes' Counsel?
Every year since I was this year old *holds up one finger*(No, not the middle one), I have been remaking the classic playground song, "Diarrhea". I've remade it with an instrumental background, in a Hip Hop/Salsa/Bluegrass style and even accompanied by the famous Boston Fart-like-Armpit-Noise Philharmonic. Notwithstanding, I have yet to receive a nod. Heck, I'd settle for a Payless Shoes 5 dollar Gift Certificate. (Which will buy you at least a baker's dozen of neon green plastic shoes in a size 9 Men's...)

The point is, I want to be recognized by the music industry for my talents as a musician. True, I sing like cats mating in a blender and the only instrument I play is a Sippy Cup with hole. But, I feel that my various interpretations of this classic song should garner me some kind of Achievement Award or at the very least a Gold Star Sticker on my forehead.

So, for those of you who have never heard this song, or have somehow blocked it out from the deepest darkest corner of your mind, here is an excerpt of "Diarrhea"--The Song:

"When you're climbing up a ladder
and you feel something splatter
Diarrhea, Diarrhea.

It's not very funny
but it's very hot and runny
Diarrhea, Diarrhea"


Oh well whatayagonnado? Actually, I know whatamagonnado! By the power vested in me by the The Queen and Blimpo the Sea Monkey, my imaginary friend, I will allow you to give a Grammy to whomever you want. They don't even have to sing, dance or exist for that matter. Just Give a Grammy to anyone you think should get one. Like, your friends, family, janitor, blogger buddies, prison penpals and members of your peanut butter cup worshipping cult. Anyone! So, go ahead, give a Grammy to someone you love or at least someone you want to get to second base with. And of course please let me know, if not make it up!



PS I appreciate you stopping by and using the restroom. Love ya, mean it!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Mr. Belding Rules!

Dear Undies:

I recently took this quiz which is now a requirement in order to become a U.S. Citizen. So you defecting Canadians better start studying. Anywhoo, which Save by the Bell Character you be? Lo and Behold I have Screech-like qualities. Go figure. Take the quiz why dontcha?

Which "Saved By The Bell" Character Are You?
This is funny because I got hit by a car while trying to do fractions and trying to figure out the square root of 1233424897248249234u281 in my head, with my eyes closed, while hearing a Star Trek musical produced by me.
At least I'm loyal.

To me, Saved by the Bell, is what life is all about. It's social-political commentary on life in these modern times is both boisterous and discreet. Oh yeah, and, wasn't Kelly like super-hot?

Undr "Screech" Undrini

PS But not as hot as you. Thanks for playing along in my Deep Thoughts post and for reading this crap in spite of it. Love ya, mean it.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Deep thoughts by Undr

Dear Undies:

How was everyone's weekend? My weekend was pretty decent. As you know, because you call the Psychic Friends Network more than it is required by law, I went down to the Gulf Coast. I guess I was naive to believe that things would be looking better by now. They didn't. Rebuilding is going to take years. Especially, since someone actually let me hold a hammer. I don't know why, but people started calling me "Katrino" for some reason. hmm?

Anyways, I was thinking about Groundhogs all weekend. Well, not really, because they look kinda mean, in a fat rodent whose famous for one day because of his shadow, kinda way. Actually, I was thinking about that Movie starring Bill Murray where he goes to a Groundhog Day Celebration. But the funny thing was that when he woke up the next morning it's still Groundhog day. That's right, everyday he wakes up it's Groundhog day. Come to think of it, I think the movie was called "Reliving the Same Wacky Day"

Anyways, here is the Deep Thoughts question...

Is there a particular day that you wouldn't mind experiencing over and over again?

It could be a day where you were very happy. Like the time you married Tom Green.

Or a crappy day that you wish you had the chance to fix. Like the time you married Tom Green.

Whatever it is, I would sure like to hear about it. Why? Because I'm, like, all up in you biznazz, that's why!

I may answer this on a later post.



PS thanks for your wholehearted participation in last weeks WHWLTW? It made me feel all special-like. Love ya, mean it!

Friday, February 03, 2006

WHWLTW Groundhog Superbowl edition

Editors notes: This week's WHWLTW is a teensy-winsy bit early. The reason is, this week I'm going down South-er to help repair some homes that are still damaged after Hurricane Katrina. What? Don't be so surprised. Believe it or not, I have a soft spot in my evil little prune-like heart . That is why I'm volunteering this weekend. Oh and it looks good on my parole sheet and my Webdate Profile.
Now, I realize that I have the construction ability of an armless epileptic monkey, but eh! it's the thought that counts. So later on today I'll be driving down early and I'll be coming back on Sunday. I hope not too late because I want to see the game. But, if you're having a Superbowl party, could you save me some hot wings, your famous dishwashing liquid-flavored soup and that batch of meth you've been saving since last year for occasions like this. Thanks! Now back to our showy-show.

Dear Undies:

It is time once again for America's favorite nonsenical segment here at the U-Corner. It's WHWLTW? For those of you who are visiting for the first and most likely the last time, WHWLTW stands for What Have We Learned This Week. It's sorta like PMS but you can't use it to justify murder. You. Just. Can't.

Anyways, here are the instructions: I tell you what I learned this week and you tell me what you learned. And always remember to keep out of the reach of children or creepy elves.

Yeah, I'm Tawkin' to YOU, Keebler!

Ok, this is what I done learnt.

1. That Walmart has built a new Supercenter 15 minutes from my house. At the same time I saw the 4th horseman of the Apocalypse galloping in my front yard. Don't worry, I clipped him with my shotgun.

2. That when you have an itchy left nipple it is not considered socially acceptable to scratch it.
I actually had to scratch myself by dry-humping a wall. Apparently, that isn't considered socially acceptable either.

3. I was taken to a Coldplay concert in cardboard cut-out form. Thanks Ani. Bubblewrap forever!

4. That I wish I had more time.

5. Our bodies are made of rainbows Here is the proof:
Ear Wax=Orange
Thanks Sadie.

6. Combing your hair with a fork is not as efficient as you might think.

7. Groundhogs are evil, but not as evil as raccoons. As a matter of fact, if a Raccoon sees his shadow on Feb. 2; the Easter Bunny dies.

8. and last but not least I'm tired. Me want to go beddy-bye.

Well, that is what I learned this week. What about you? Let me know, if not make it up.



PS Thanks for stopping by. I always appreciate your comments, insults and evil-eyes. Love ya, mean it!

Double PS with pesto sauce: Have a great weekend. Go Steelers! Go Seahawks! (I am such a diplomat.)

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

State of the Union Address by Undr A. Chiever.

Dear Undies:

I am the president of the United Provinces and unincorporated Townships of Undroopia. Which really is a ten by ten room in my mom's basement. Shhh! She doesn't know I been livin' here for the last 8 years. Anywhoo, it is a normal custom for me to have a State of the Union Address for my people. (A.K.A. my crew; my peeps; my posse; my pink pony brigade.) This was formally known as the State of my Bunions address, but thank goodness for sandpaper and hammers! Whew!

Therefore lets go now to my basement apartment and listen to the STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESSSSSSSSSSS!(you likey my announcer voice?) Already in progress...

Reporter: *whispering* We are all anxious to hear what President Undr has to say about the state of our union. Undr's administration has been plagued by controversy, lies, and locusts. However, despite these ever-increasing problems our president, my president, always has a smirk on his face. It's quite possible the smirk on his face is related to the fact that he still wears his first grade underwear or the chafing caused by E.U.O.T which in the medical community stands for Excessive Use Of Thongs.

In this reporter's humble opinion, I'd like to say that I think this President is the best one we've had and there is no doubt that his milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Additionally, I finally want to come out of the closet and profess my love for the President because I. Am. Ga..wait! The president is stumbling down the stairs and at this very moment is sitting down on the traditional Doritos and broccoli smelling La-Z-Boy. He checks his armpits to make sure that his B.O. count is at a low and proceeds to speak. Let's listen...

Undr: Ummm.... The state of the Union is...umm eh! I guess we're alright. How you doin'?

Reporter: The crowd goes wild in excitement. Mostly because the people in attendance are either senile or recovering meth addicts on crack. This concludes our Undr's State of the Union Address. We now return to our regularly scheduled program; "When Nuns Attack!" Followed by "Sex Operation Oopsies!"



PS Thanks for all your get-well wishes and letting me know what you want in a perfect partner/lover/disco-dancing yak. Love ya, mean it!

PPS: Remember to check out the Linky-links. You know you want to.

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