Thursday, February 16, 2006

Love is in the air or is that catfish?

Dear Undies:

There was a lot of love in the air yesterday. I don't really know why.

Consequently, all this love, a particular song and eating a Oreo I found in my glove compartment made me remember one my true brushes with love and that eating an Oreo from my glove compartment is probably not a good idear. (Is the white stuff supposed to be bubbling like that?)


Anyways, I was listening to a song by James Blunt. It's a song called "You're Beautiful" . The cliff notes explanation of this song is; It's about a woman the singer shared a "look" with, only to realize that he will never be with her. It's actually a nice little tune. On the sappy-sap meter it measures a 10.2. Which is pretty darn sappy, if you ask me. (Did you know that James Blunt's sister just married a guy? Her new name is Janie Blunt-Forcetrauma. It's kinda catchy)

Ok so I had one of those "moments" once. It was some years ago, back when I was an aspiring lederhosen-wearing hand model. Actually, I was working in the Orlando International Airport. Whose motto is "At least we're not the Gateway to Hell. That would be Miami"

Once in a while, I would take my lunch break in one of the premier exotic gourmet restaurants located inside the terminal. This particular one was named "Chili's" Of course, being the adventurer that I am I decided to take the road less traveled and try something other than that stupid "Half a Turkey Club and Salad". Thus, resulting in my decision to eat the fried catfish. Unfortunately the fried catfish tasted...hmm how do you say? Oh yeah, like crap! DIS. GUS.TING! I don't know if it was that particular day or what, but that fish was not right. The thing tasted like a wet rag that had been under a washing machine for three weeks. It was gross! But, I digress, my apologies.

So, I was sitting alone, wishing that I had a tongue scraper, when I noticed a beautiful girl sitting right across me. She was unbelievably beautiful. You know that type of beautiful that people write about in poems and songs. Just to briefly describe her, she had these big blue eyes and long flowing black hair. But it was that smile that got me. It was a smile that angels envied.

Anyways, despite her beauty, and my lack of descriptive words, there was something odd about her. She wouldn't stop staring at me. That's right every time I looked up from my catfish hell plate, I'd see her looking at me and smiling no less. Truth be told I was surprised. Mainly because I am not Tall, Dark or Handsome. I'm more like Short, Pale and Gruesome.

Either way it didn't really matter because there was no way I would go and talk to her. I am shy to some extent and besides, she was surrounded by friends and that made this situation all the more awkward. It's one thing to crash and burn, but to crash and burn in front of a live studio audience, no freakin' way.

Yet, she wouldn't stop looking at me.


I figured, she must like a man in an airline uniform or I have something grotesque yet oddly fascinating growing out of my ear. Either way, I had to make my move. Unfortunately back then I didn't exactly have a "move" per se but I was going to go for it, regardless. There was no turning back.


As I mustered up the courage to go and talk to her, I saw her friends starting to leave. Crap! I had to do something.. I mean, I'm was in an airport for Pete's sake. "This maybe the last time I see this woman. It was now or never!" I thought to myself.

My mind was racing a mile-a-minute and when most of her party was making their way out, I decided I had to, at the very least, get a phone number, email, ring size...

So, I nervously approached her. Then I saw her reaching under the table. I slowed down because I didn't want to startle her and at the same token I wanted to be a good distance away in the event she was getting pepper spray from her purse.

As she reached under the table I had a few seconds to think things through and I had a brief epiphany. I knew what I had to do. I even had a vision. A vision of my future with this woman, having kids, growing old and celebrating our 50th Anniversary. Ok it was a stalker-ish vision, but give a guy a break!

Needless to say I could not let this opportunity pass. She could be the one, for all I knew.

But all these dreams came to a screeching halt when I saw two things that crushed my soul.

One, her marriage ring and two, her seeing eye dog.

D'oh!

I think I would have preferred the pepper spray.


You can understand why I was a little disappointed. Sort of like the time I found out most the songs from "Wham" were written about a dude. (Wake me up before you Go-Go indeed!)

It's no wonder I blocked this out of my mind. Sorry you had to re-live it and with sucky storytelling no less.


Love,

Undr

PS: Epilogue: the funny thing about this story is that as she passed by my table she asked her husband; "Ewww! What's that smell?"

Darn you, Catfish! Darn you to heck!


Double PS with Tartar Sauce: Love ya, mean it!

11 Comments:

At 10:23 AM, February 16, 2006, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

OOOHH Undroo huggiez to you!!! Thanks for sharing your story and sorry you had to re-live it by sharing with us.

Let me go whip you up a batch of kick ass, crispy, deep fried, southern catfish and it will make you forget all about it.

p.s.
any guy who eats an oreo out of the glove box smells yummmie to me ;)

 
At 10:46 AM, February 16, 2006, Blogger SuperSpyGal said...

It had all the elements of romance, mystery and humor all rolled up into one beautifully written story...you should have went for it anyway...they say that love is blind !!

:-X

 
At 10:51 AM, February 16, 2006, Blogger Shari said...

Oh, Under.

I award you the Newberry Medal for that one.

Maybe that's why they say "Love is blind".

 
At 10:55 AM, February 16, 2006, Blogger Shari said...

Oops, I guess someone already said that...

 
At 12:41 PM, February 16, 2006, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

1) did you know that the jamie blunt song is one of the top twn bestsellers on itunes? so other people must like the sappiness too.

2) i had a similar moment with someone i knew....about 3 weeks after i got married (right after the honeymoon!), i saw this guy named jake at the bank. now, all through college i had lusted after jake. he was a sponsored bike racer (those legs!) and we had a bunch of classes together. he had pretty much dated his high school sweetheart all through college. when i saw him, they had apparently called it quits the year before. i didn't know, because i hadn't seen him in so long. he asked me out!! on a date! after i was married! oh, opportunity lost. i love my hubby, but i would have liked one kiss with jake. bad timing.

 
At 4:49 PM, February 16, 2006, Blogger gunngirl said...

So poetic and maudlin. Yes, that's a line from Buffy. Ahh, to have tried to love and lost. Oh well, isn't it better to know she was married and blind, rather than she might have been thinking, 'why didn't that cute guy talk to me?'

Props for bravery!

 
At 9:34 AM, February 17, 2006, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

Happy Friday Undroo!!
smoooooches and huggiezzz
luv Lindy-Lin

 
At 4:15 PM, February 17, 2006, Blogger ramblin' girl said...

I'm hoping it's not catfish in the air... flying catfish? then what's next pigs?

Happy Friday!

 
At 10:34 PM, February 17, 2006, Blogger Tina said...

Oh oh this just cant be true, it just cant ! :p

Love ya! TiniTinaschmidt

 
At 2:17 AM, February 18, 2006, Blogger Skvid said...

Where can I buy a sappy-sap meter? That would have come in handy on valentine's day...

Aw, well done for mustering up the courage to approach her! You are indeed brave :)

 
At 2:40 PM, February 20, 2006, Blogger cherish said...

You are soooo funny!!! Great story and btw I love that song by James Blunt I use to hate it and I would turn it off everytime I heard it. But one day I listened to it and fell in love with it.

 

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