Monday, April 24, 2006

WHWLTW? I got a late pass...honest.

Dear Undies:

Can you believe how time flies? Yup, it's time once again for WHWLTW? No, it's not a disease you get from licking used popsicle sticks. It's What Have We Learned This Week? For those of you new to the Underachiever's Corner, this is an ongoing segment where we probe a good way. Anyways, this is how it works: I tell you what I learned this past week and you do the same. It's so simple, it's scary.

This is what I learned this week.

1. That Katie Holmes and Wacko Cruise, have actually had a child. I was honored to be the first reporter to interview baby Suri. Here's how it went:

Undr: He-woh Suwi, you're a cute widdle baby, aren't ya? Goo-goo gah gah?

Suri: *gurgle*(then she proceeded to take a major dump in her diaper, which was not really a diaper. It was more like my hands)

and pretty much that was it. Afterwards, Tom and I had an afterbirth flavored slushy. Mmm, mmm.

2. Ben and Jerry's got in trouble for naming their new ice cream "Black and Tan" . Apparently, that was the name of a very violent British militia group during Ireland's war of independence. (Not to be confused with the Leprechaun/Midget Conflict of 1902 Hi Gareth!)

At the same time Ben and/or Jerry( I can't tell them apart) had to apologize for other name choices that might be considered offensive.

Here are examples of other names they scrapped.

Ben and Jerry's "Blood and Crips"

Ben and Jerry's "Osama Bin laden Crunch"

Ben and Jerry's "Placenta Surprise"(Especially made for some guy named Tom)

Ben and Jerry's "Track Marks"

Ben and Jerry's "Pimps and Hos"
Ben and Jerry's "Meth Lab Fudge"

and Ben and Jerry's "Lung Cookie and Pus"

In a related story the Gay Porn Industry will take "Black and Tan Volumes 1-3" off the shelves.

3. In order to aid in the rebuilding of New Orleans, the makers of Legos are asking kids to turn in their lego bricks and matching them with a real bricks. Wow, what a great gesture.

On that note, the makers of the critically acclaimed "Chia Pet" issued a statement in which they said; "You still have that piece of junk? Just throw it away already! Sheesh!"

4. and finally that Fredrick's of Hollywood is going to tone down and make their lingerie a little less skanky. De-skankify if you will. De-hookerize while your at it.

To which I say; "I object! Where else am I gonna get my Jewel Encrusted Tiger Striped Leather Strawberry-flavored G-String and matching bull whip? Where, I ask? Where?"

and that is what I learned. What about you? Let me know if not make it up.



PS thanks for letting me know your favorite words and for reading this junk. Love ya, mean it!

PPS: De-hookerize is SO a word.


At 1:32 AM, April 24, 2006, Blogger samirah said...

I get the feeling that as soon as that baby learns to walk she's going to walk right off a bridge.

At 4:39 PM, April 24, 2006, Blogger Gareth said...

LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAHAHAHA Leprechaun/Midget Conflict of 1902. You belong on a stage :)

At 6:02 PM, April 24, 2006, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

no worries...victoria's secret is busy taking over the skank factor from fredrick's. the new concept stores have back window boxes with hot pink neon tube lighting, and mannequins posing with legs wide open. it's practically the red-light district. i'm all for whatever inside the store, but i really am not wanting to walk past with my kids. unless i was raising hookers. then, it would be fine and educational.

At 6:03 PM, April 24, 2006, Blogger grody jo-dee said...

i meant to say "black" window boxes...

At 1:10 AM, April 25, 2006, Blogger gunngirl said...

No teasing, what's with that porn story? Is that true?

I always wanted a chia pet and never bought one. heh

"suri" is a dumb and pretty confusing name for two white people. I think that name is Indian. Though, the translation in Jewish isn't anything good.

I learned that sometimes group presentations aren't really group presentations and that time marches on, and waits for no one.

At 7:40 AM, April 25, 2006, Blogger beadinggalinMS said...

I learnt it has been a long weekend.

At 9:20 PM, April 25, 2006, Blogger Skvid said...

Is it wrong that I have cravings for ice cream after reading that?

Is it also wrong that the phrase "lung cookie and pus" is now etched into my mind as one of the best phrases ever?

I learnt that I'm going to Sydney! Uber-Yayness!

At 1:20 PM, April 26, 2006, Blogger Carissa said...

I love you so much and miss you!

This is the first time I've been on the computer for non-school stuff in about forever. (Plus, there was a little while when the computer was freaking out and I couldn't do anything, even if I wanted to.)


At 9:49 PM, April 27, 2006, Blogger Ashley said...

I learned that men do in fact suck. Wait, I think I said I learned that like 6 months ago.
I guess the truth is...I'll never learn.


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